Gite cooking A' la Franglaise

Vegetarian from Hell Pt4

2009-01-04T08:39:00.010+01:00

"BFH" was fast becoming a lost cause but we still had many other guests to look after and they were having a wonderful time and looking forward to Christmas Day Lunch and the rest of the festivities including the Grand Buffet. Christmas day for the guests is just one long procession of eating and drinking interrupted every so often with events, party games, carol singers and organised walks etc. All the staff are so busy that time passes by without really noticing it and all meals are served, cleared away and readied for the next session with out breaking step. The feed back from the guests is excellent and despite some teething troubles with "BFH at most meals it looks like we were on coarse for another successful Christmas package.

During and just before the Christmas festivities started the kitchen has been preparing for the Grand Buffet. Whole sucklings pigs, Sirloins & ribs of beef, turkey, Chicken, whole gammon for honey baked ham, partridge's, loins of venison, saddles of lamb, whole salmons and salmon fillets for home made gravadlax, lobster, crayfish, langoustines, prawns, crabs, and pheasants (ripple effect) were all cooked, roasted , baked and prepared for the Buffet. Many of the items would be decorated and coated with a beef or fish based aspic jelly to enhance the center pieces. As you may of noticed the buffet was not very vegetarian and vegan friendly but we had made arrangements to cover for this and the restaurant staff would serve them at their tables with their alternative food selections.

Also on the buffet would be hot and cold starters, soups, hot dishes and a sweet table to die for and a wide selection of cheeses. The buffet table would also be filled with a huge variety of salads and accompaniment's and that task fell to me. If you include the different bowls of lettuces I prepared 30 bowls of salads and only one of them contained any meat in it. Well we had to get rid of the turkey somehow. It was a turkey, ham, peppers, walnuts and saffron rice dish bound with mayonnaise.

The buffet tables were set out and once again a separate buffet table was organised as far away possible from where the meat and fish mirrors were to be displayed. There was also another area set aside for the sweet dishes, cheeses and fresh fruits. As the time for the buffet to be served approached the final checks on the buffet layout and positioning were carried out and the last items added to the tables were the salads. I personally arranged them amongst the center pieces and check everything was OK. I then arranged the salads for the vegetarians table and double checked that the one salad with meat in had not got mixed in with them and that the display was just as good as the rest. Job done and headed back to the kitchen.

Behind the scenes it was organised chaos in the final minutes before service as chefs and restaurant staff donned clean aprons, jackets, hats, etc while out front in the lounge/bar restaurant area the guest mingled in their fancy dress costumes chatting and sipping drinks. Last minute corrections and the Boss dressed in his best penguin suit declared the buffet was open. With so much food on offer and a bewildering amount of choice the inevitable queue started to form and being typically British most people accepted it as normal and took the opportunity to engage in conversation with their fellow dinners as they waited. After all there was no rush and there was plenty for all.

What could go wrong?

The ripple affect, 'If only', the wise old saying "You are only a strong as your weakest link" and 'Sods Law' can go wrong!

Vegetarian from Hell Pt3

2009-01-03T16:34:00.008+01:00

The first meal for our vegetarian friend and we fell at the first hurdle. We sent in some normal milk and this seem to placate her for the time being. I just knew we were going to have fun and games with this lady. The afternoon tea drew to a close and she departed with her husband in tow but not before she requested a change of table as she was not happy with were they were seated in the restaurant and as as she left the pointed in the general direction of where she would like to be placed.

The restaurant manager was last seen frantically trying to rearrange the seating plan and getting nowhere fast as the existing seating plan was a bit of a tight fit to start with. Eventually after much huffing and puffing, plenty of head scratching and about an hours work the offending table was shoe horned in to a suitable place but not before some other tables had to be moved. The table was laid ready for dinner and the restaurant manager began to relax a little. If only he a had know what lay ahead. The innocent request to move the table and place it where it was put was like dropping a stone into the middle of a pond. It makes a small splash to start with but the ripple affects are felt all round the edge of the pond and it was no different here.

I mentioned before that in a hotel there are no secrets and if there is they are soon discovered and it is the same with the guests as well as the staff. The news of the lady's outburst during the afternoon tea was soon being talked about among the other guests. Meanwhile work in the kitchen starts to gather pace as we all go about our tasks. Dinner was being served at 8 o'clock and all the guests would be sitting down together. The menu consisted of a selection of starters, soup course, fish course, sorbet, main course, sweet and cheeses, coffees and petite fours. We also gave the restaurant manager a list of alternatives for all the courses to cover any dietary needs and any other guests that could not eat what was on offer.

With all the bases covered and dinner fast approaching the guests started to assemble in the bar / lounge area. Dinner was announced and the guests headed for their tables only for some of them to find that they had been moved since afternoon tea and some others to find out that the lady that most people were talking about was now sitting next to them. The ripples from the table being moved were starting to felt and we found out later that this upset several of the other guests. Service started and the orders were taken for the starters and main courses and any alternatives.

You could of put money on it happening and so it did. The lady vegetarian was not happy with the starter choices and alternatives and enquired about other alternatives. She was happy regards the soup and fish course but wanted something different for the main course. "All part of life's tapestry" said the Boss when he entered the kitchen and found out. Nothing was going to faze him and he had a smile a foot wide and was looking forward to a busy but successful service to get the Christmas package well and truly underway.

The kitchen staff were also looking to get the best start possible but did not necessarily share the same thoughts as the boss regarding the "Bitch from Hell" as she was now being referred to. Most of the staff called her something else as well but that is definitely not printable. Service progressed and despite the odd clanger and "BFH" as I will now refer to her as it was a good service and all the guest were happy, the Boss was happy, the Head Chef was happy, everybody was happy all except the poor sad bloke that was married to "BFH". One of the girls tasked with serving them tried to cheer him up with general chatter but bright and bubbly as she was she soon realised that she had more chance platting fog.

Service finished and we in the kitchen cleaned up and headed for some after service refreshments. A little while latter when most of the restaurant staff had joined us for refreshments the conversation soon turned to the hot topic of the hotel. "BFH" had had a bit of contratont with her hubby and had stormed off in a huff. After waiting a few minutes he followed her upstairs probably contemplating an ear bashing. This public falling out soon started doing the rounds and one of the barmen heard a guest saying that "It is not right that BFH should get special treatment all the time, have we not paid the same as them, are we not special as well" and he was not a happy bunny as he was on one of the tables that had to be moved to accommodate her.

Ripples were being felt more and more.

Stocks and sauces

2009-01-02T19:47:00.007+01:00

Having been a Chef and worked in the catering industry for 25 years I sometimes find that when I am doing other things I start thinking about cooking and food. I suppose it is only natural that I think about food and cooking and today it was no exception.
For some reason stocks came in to my head. I was preparing a chunky vegetable soup at the time but the stocks I was think about had nothing to do with cooking.

The stocks I was thinking about was the stocks from medieval times where wrong doers used to get put in and people would throw rotting fruit and vegetables at them and be publicly humiliated. Can't for the life of me think why but I did start think to myself who I would like to see thrown in the stocks and then throw fruit and tomatoes at them. On my long list the first people to be put in the stocks would be Politicians and I would be tempted not to take the fruit and tomatoes out of the tin when I threw the contents at them. An old stand up comedians joke I know but worthy of politicians.

The next on my list would be all those CEO's, Chairman's, and big wig's of all those banking and financial institutions that have gone belly up because of their greed and stupidity. Closely followed by all the bosses that use the 'Credit Crunch' and 'Downturn in the Economy' as an excuse to lay off hundreds/thousands of hard working people instead of getting rid of the inept management who are costing their companies millions. Especially if it is just to make a fat payment to the shareholders and they just happen have a couple of millions shares that were given to them for free.

I definitely would not remove the tomatoes and fruit from the tins and instead of using a A2 and a half I would be using an A10.
(An A10 approx 2.95 kg) is a bloody big tin) I then started to think about one or two people that I have had the displeasure to work with and came up with a man that would defiantly go in the stocks and If I had my way he would stay in them and rot.

It's a long story and I might post it later but he was an evil man in my book. To save his own job he aligned himself with upper management, took over the existing managers job (demoted) and started to try and force people out of work and avoid paying redundancy monies to staff that had in some cases been working for the company for over 25 years. He used every nasty trick in the book and did it with a smile on his face. He was that bad he once refused a man a day off work to go to his brothers funeral.

The man requesting time off from work went through all the appropriate channels as laid down by management. He put it in writing and asked if he could use a days holiday entitlement to attend the funeral. He was refused and so he offered to take a day off without pay and work an extra day to cover his shift and still he was refused.

The smile was knocked off his face when the man requesting the time off told him "Go and have a sexual relationship with yourself and I am taking the time off regardless of what you might do". Silly nasty fool of a man was so over confidant that he forgot to have another manager present as a witness and there was nothing he could do.

It made me laugh and as the saying goes "what comes around goes around" as a couple of years later he was getting booted out of his job. But this leads me to ask the question who would you like to see in 'The stocks'?

Happy New Year 'Tout Le Monde'

2009-01-01T08:31:00.005+01:00

Happy New Year everybody. I trust you all had a good time seeing in the New Year last night and are not suffering to much from the after affects. If you are feeling a little delicate then perhaps trying a 'Kill or Cure' routine to aid recovery might be on the cards.

Most people have some sort of routine they go through to help them recover from a hang over and it's fair to say that they don't all ways work. I have tried a few over the years and the best one that works for me is to drink as much cold water as I can just before I go to bed. I believe this helps flush the excess alcohol out quicker and helps prevent the brain cells/head from dehydrating.

Many years ago when I was very young and partying regularly I found that several paracetamol and a can of beer/lager the morning after a party has been known to help me on occasion. The danger off course with this method is if the 3/4 full beer can you found on the kitchen table has been used as by someone as an ashtray and you have to drink the contents through clenched teeth. Yuck I hear you saying but it certainly was a 'kill or cure' method. Like I said I was young and foolish and at the time 'I drank life by the gallon'. We worked long and hard in the kitchens and we played just as hard.

I remember once I drew the breakfast shift on New Years Day and although that was not unusual but what made it different was at the time I was living 35 miles away from work. I had to start work at 7 a.m. after an hours drive. There was no way that I was having anything to drink on New Years Eve and for once I had a fairly early night. I awoke at 5.30 a.m. and after a coffee I headed for the car. It was snowing when I set off but not bad enough to prevent me travelling. I drove for just over an hour and passed through a fairly big town and travelled on the motorway for a little while and I never saw one police car. Typical.... If I had been daft enough to have a drink the night before I bet money on the fact I would get pulled over.

As I neared my place of work the snow and conditions got a lot worse and as I approached a bend on a bridge the car wheels lost traction and I headed for the bridge wall. My luck was in and I slid sideways in to the wall so slowly that when I hit the wall I was hardly doing any speed. A quick inspection on side of the car revealed nothing more than a few scratches. I arrived at work in one piece and got on with preparing breakfast.

Very shortly the first of the restaurant staff started turning up for work and they looked as if they had been dragged through a bush backwards and their faces were a deathly shade of white. Oh to be sober as a judge when all around you are suffering from a hangover. I suddenly developed a case of the 'dropsies' and all manor of kitchen items seem to be crashing on the floor even ones that I had not used. Add to that the aromatic waft of cooking bacon and spicy Cumberland sausages and some of the staff disappeared for some reason and only returned after having a 'quick chat on the porcelain telephone to Ralph, Burt and Hughie.

That was a one off and on many occasions after an excessive New Years Eve party I have been know to be as 'rough as a bears behind' but the show must go on as they say and you can always sleep it of later.

Happy New Year.....hic

Vegetarian from Hell Pt2

2008-12-31T16:33:00.011+01:00

Just in case anyone reading this post thinks I am having a go at Vegetarians please note that in "Vegetarian from Hell Pt1" I stated from the start of the post that it was not so. Nothing has changed and if someone wants to be a vegetarian then so be it. When I see some of the ways that animals are treated to produce so called "cheap food" I begin to understand more and more a vegetarians way of thinking. I will still be a meat eater but will be more selective on what I eat.

Perhaps if supermarkets stopped bullying the producers to get the cheapest price possible so they can sell at the best price possible the animal food producers might be able to spend more time and money on the health and well being of the animals they breed. Maybe if they stop trying to hood wink the customers with so called "2 for a fiver" or "2 for the price 1" offers and take a hit in the profits column, give a better price to the farmer in return for better animal conditions the animals will be allowed to live a better quality of life. Then again "Do pigs fly"

Supermarket dig over and on to meat of the post (sorry I could not resist the pun and hope it does not offend)

Christmas was approaching fast and the Head Chef and I were just finalising the food and provisions orders for Christmas. In kitchens big or small this is quite a task and it would be easy to overlook a vital ingredient if you are not careful. Final numbers for the Christmas package had been updated as well as details on any special dietary needs customers and vegetarians. We were well aware of one particular vegetarians needs but we also had a couple of guests who for health reasons were on a gluten free diet. There were 4 other vegetarians and 2 vegan's. I had been given the task of ensuring all the necessary ingredients and suitable substitutes had been ordered for the guests with special needs.

With the help of our wholesalers and fresh food suppliers the kitchen was able to order all the manner of produce so that our specials enjoyed where possible the same menu as the rest of the customers. Amongst the goods ordered were,
Christmas cakes, mince pies and puddings without animal fats,
Cheeses that were suitable for vegan's vegetarians and gluten free.
Soya based milks and creams,
Soya produce, soya milks, Tofu, and just about anything else with soya in
All sorts of beans and pulses,
Special sugars that contained no animal produce,
Caffeine free tea and coffee, etc
Chocolates and sweets that were vegan friendly
Specials breads for the gluten free diets.

The list was endless but we made sure that we had enough food substitutes to deal with any dietary and medical needs customers and any other eventualities that we did not know about. The first day of our Christmas package always started with the meeting and greeting of our guests with a "Grand Victorian Afternoon Tea" buffet and reception. The preparations would start very early in the morning along with all the other jobs that had to be done for the evening meal. Like many busy kitchens at that time year If you were not serving food you were always preparing food for the next meal. We were having a busy but pretty good day and besides the odd hick up which is to be expected things were pretty much running to plan.

The Afternoon Tea was due to be served from 3.30p.m. and run until 6p.m. to cover the late arrivals. With about 30 minutes to go the buffet tables spread out in the lounge were filling up with mountains of hand made scones, fruitcakes, biscuits, cream filled cakes, brandy snaps, sponge cakes, vanilla slices, Madeira cake, obligatory mince pies, shortbread's and more cakes and goodies than you can shake a stick at. Bowls of Chantilly cream and sugared strawberries dotted the tables for good measure. Added to this was all manner of sandwiches including smoked salmon, cucumber and all the traditional sandwich fillings you can think of. All of which was served with a vast array of fine teas, herbal teas, fruit teas, and speciality teas for the vegan's and vegetarians.

A separate table was filled with most of the goodies mentioned above and/or with safe alternatives for the gluten free diets, Another table was set well away from any other tables for the vegan's and vegetarians. The idea being that it allowed the guest to mingle freely amongst each other and avoid any nasty surprises. Prior to the afternoon tea being served the Restaurant Manager gave his final instructions to his staff. In the instructions were details of the special needs customers and in particular the lady who had sent the letter to the kitchen regards her 'Special needs'

The Boss had already been to the kitchen earlier and informed us that he was a little uneasy about this particular guest and had instructed reception to immediately inform him when the lady and her husband arrived so that he could identify her by sight. This was not a one off gesture by the Boss because he liked to meet and greet all guests as they checked in where possible. The lady and her husband duly arrived and the Boss played his usually part and warmly welcomed them. Enquired if they had a pleasant journey etc and treated them to his traditional Christmas welcome that he gave to all his guests.

Besides being a genuine and a personal touch to meet and greet the guests on arrival it gave the Boss the opportunity to access the people he shook hands with and after leaving the lady and her husband to go to their room he issued several instructions to all departments. Trouble with a capital 'T' was his immediate response to the Head Chef and I when we asked about the lady in question. The boss was a shrewd judge of character and after 35 years of working in the catering industry and being a trouble shooter for a top nationwide hotel chain with international hotels he was more often right than he was wrong.

I took my cue and donned a clean apron and hat and went for a quick look round the buffet tables to check that there was plenty of food on display and at the same time do a quick check on the specials tables. Call it paranoia by all means but a buffet were guests move freely around with food on there plates, who then stop to greet each other and in doing so put a plate down on a nearby table whilst they shake hands is a recipe for cross contamination. Throw in a few guests who are not special needs and vegetarians/vegan's who see another table full of goodies and pile in the inevitable can happen. Good job we did not have anyone with a nut allergy. That would have been a nightmare. Although we did have that possibility reasonably covered.

In the lady's letter to the kitchen she pointed out that she did not eat animal or animal byproduce but went on to say that she ate fish, eggs, and cheese. This was what set the alarm bells ringing along with the bit about her past experiances with other hotels who ruined her Christmas because they did not know how to cook for her. Having received a mixed message from the lady had prompted the Head Chef and I to ensure all of her food was always double checked at all times to avoid mistakes. Over the top I know but when you are busy, tired and rush off you feet accidents can and will happen according to 'Sods Law' (often called something else but unprintable)

Bearing this in mind for her first meal at the hotel we went to extra lengths to ensure her stay got off to flying start and along with the cakes and sanwiches etc a special tray with sugars, teas, and soya milk was set up for her as was several other trays for the other specials in the hotel. At this point it might be worth pointing out that her husband was not a vegetarian. His wife definatly wore the trousers in their relationship and it soon became apparant before long that she did not like him eating meat in her company, smoking (was not so anti-social at the time), drinking and generally enjoying life if allowed too. There are no secrets in a hotel and if there are they do not last long and this gentleman was as henpecked as they come.

Their arrival in the lounge prompted a waitress to come and collect the tray alloted to them. The Restraunt Manager was walking on egg shells as he introduced himself and politely showed them the buffet table that they were to choose from. The manager left them to help themselves as the waitress delivered the pots of hot water, cups and saucers and their special tray of tea, sugars and milk to the table they had been alloted in the restraunt. The waitress who served them came to the kitchen later and told us how she had overheard the gentleman saying to his wife that he wanted to have a look at the other tables to see what was on offer and how his wife had quickly put the brakes on that idea. Plenty of laughs and giggles in the kitchen and one of the comis said "poor man" He said something else really but I can't tell you that for obviouse reasons.

Little did we know at the time but trouble was brewing. After availing themselves of 'their buffet' the lady began to pour out her tea and add milk & sugar. She took a sip of her tea and all hell broke loose. The combination of vegetarian tea & sugar combined with soya milk was not her 'cup of tea' and she sent the waitress back to the kitchen with the instructions "to get her some proper milk and get rid of this f*(7^%g c#%p!" So much for being a lady and from that point on it went from bad to worse.

To be continued...........

It's getting late so enjoy New Years Eve where ever you are and remember-

Confusious say "man who walk in bar New Years Day not feeling well, ask barman what good thing for hangover, get answer 'drink heavily the night before'

Remember drink aware - drink sensibbly IF YOU CAN'T THEN DRINK WATER JUST BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.

Is this man a Pratt?

2008-12-29T16:52:00.012+01:00

This young man is indeed a Pratt. His name is David Pratt and he has just been given the honour of the fastest red card in actual play in football history. He was sent off after three seconds of play. I love my football and on occasions I have been known to get a little over enthusiastic on the field of play but this will take some beating as did some of the referees that are mentioned at the bottom of this post.

It reminds me of when I used to play for a local football team whilst I was still a Chef and a relatively fit young man. That is if you call a young man who once got dropped from the the team because I was drinking cans of beer whilst leaning against the post when my side was encamped in the opposition half. I had just been given the goalkeepers jersey after the other fair weather keeper had 'Tore a Stocking' in mid-week training. We were thrashing the opposition and the score was 5 nil after only about 25 minutes. I just happen to have a six pack in my goal keeping carrier bag that was on the floor in the back of the net. I popped open a can and started to enjoy the delights of a coldie. One thing lead to another and I opened another of the cans.

Meanwhile our team was still in the opposition half and I was still propped up against the left hand post when for some reason one of my side back passed to me from deep in the opponents half and one of the opposition was in hot pursuit of the ball. What happened next was a something you might see in a Laurel & Hardy film. I was just taking a slurp of my beer when I was shouted at and looked up in surprise to see the ball and the advancing player bearing down on my goal. I had the can in my right hand and was still leaning against the left hand post when I realised that the ball was travelling in the general direction of the right hand goal post and might just end up in the net if I did not do something about it.

A split second of panic was replaced with a burst of frantic action as I raced out to meet the oncoming player and the ball. With the beer can firmly gripped by my right hand as I did not want to spill my beer, I ran out to kick the oncoming ball up field. The ground in the goal was full of mud as was normal for that time of year and as I swung my right leg at the ball my standing left leg slipped on the mud and the ball shot under my foot and I went down in a heap with the opposition player. I landed on top of him and the ball got stuck in the mud about 6 feet from the goal line.

We both grappled with each other as we frantically tried to get up and reach the ball. Neck and neck we raced to the ball and he lunged forward with his foot at the same time as I dived headfirst through the mud. I just managed to get to the ball first and divert the ball out of play with my left hand via the base of the post. whilst at the same time both of us ending in the back of the net in a crumpled heap and covered in mud.

As I was getting up from the floor I noticed the manager on the sidelines throwing a wobbler and he started screaming all sorts at me. I thought that was a tad bit over the top as no harm was done and they did not score from the ensuing corner. The real good news was that I did not drop my can of beer although I did manage to get some mud inside the can. This I only found out later when the ball was cleared up field and the normal business of pummeling the opposition out of sight resumed. I had to drink the remains of the beer through gritted teeth but it was to be expected when your can is full of mud.

The game finished and it was a total massacre an we beat the opposition 12 nil. Later in the dressing room after a wonderful hot shower and a few more beers the manager came up to me and started having another go at me. He ranted and raved and then told me I was dropped from the team. There is no pleasing some folk is there. We have just ended a loosing streak, two badly needed points in the bag, a right walloping of the opposition, team spirits lifted and he wants to drop me. Some people take the local Saturday morning football league matches a bit too serious if you ask me. Just like another gentleman from a team that we used to play against. The gentleman in question was not a full shilling and also came from an area

"Where the men where men and the sheep were pregnant"

He unlike the gentleman above who has the dubious honour of being the fastest sending off in history was as far as I know possibly the only non-league player at the time to have a world wide life time ban from football handed to him by the footballing authority's. He was a little quick with his temper as well as his fists and had knocked out 2 referees and a few other players during matches. I always did wander why one or two of our players seem to develop a sore knee or a bad back just before we were due to play the team he played for.

He once got sent off whilst still serving a ban for a previous sending off. He came into our dressing room after the match and asked one of our younger players who he thought was their "Man Of The Match'. The words were out of the young boys mouth before we had time to act and he said it was the player that had been sent off in the match. It was true the lad that got sent of was their 'Man Of The Match' but the lad with the short temper and the the quick fists thought the young lad was 'Extracting The Urine' and started a punch up and soon the whole dressing room was involved.

Such was the joys of Non league football.

I do miss the fun and games.

Vegetarian from Hell pt1

2008-12-29T14:30:00.015+01:00

I may of spoke to soon in my previous post about the snow. It has just started sleeting and perhaps it might start to stick. We will wait and see and in the mean time I will tell you about a Vegetarian from Hell.

Let me tell you from the start that I have nothing against vegetarians. In fact I rather enjoy some of the foods that they usually eat as they are full of flavour and many of the dishes are very tasty. I also understand their point of view about the killing of another animal for food and how it upsets them. I will never be a vegetarian but will avoid were ever possible foods that I know that have been intensively fed and inhumanely treated in order to provide supermarkets with cheap food that they make huge profits on by fleecing the (good/bad) producer and then selling to the customer at top prices.

Living in France and having free range chickens that provide us with fresh eggs daily means that from now on I will never buy battery hen eggs and the carefully worded equivalents that have been invented by the supermarkets and producers. You might know the ones that I mean. They are the ones in boxes with pictures of chickens walking about freely and have words like barn fed, and barn reared on the packaging to try and kid the public that the hens are well looked after and are 'free range'. They never actually say the words 'Free Range Chickens'. Those that do say something like 'free to range about' and really mean free to range about with 3-4000 other birds in an area fit for 3-400 and are never let out of the building/sheds that they live and sleep in.

Excuse me I digress from the reason for the post will get to the matter in hand

It was about 6 weeks before Christmas and a letter was delivered to the kitchen by one of the receptionists. It was marked FAO The Kitchen and as the Head Chef was off duty I opened it in my capacity as Sous Chef and started to read the contents. I read it and then reread it to check that my eyes were not deceiving me. It started out with the usual Dear Sir etc and the usual opening pleasantries and then started to get very interesting to say the least. It sort of went along the lines like this below.

Dear Sir,

My name is Blah blah Blah and I and my Husband have booked for your Christmas package at your hotel and will be staying with you for 5 Days etc etc. More Blah Blah and then this-

"I am a vegetarian and have stayed at several other hotels for the Christmas period in the past and they did not know how to cook for a vegetarian and ruined their stay."

(When I read that the hairs on the back of my neck started to stand out, alarm bells started ringing in my head and I felt an odd feeling in my stomach. I continued to read and came across this bit-

"I am a vegetarian and if you do not know what a vegetarian is I will tell you."

And she proceeded to tell me in great detail that she did not eat any animal produce and any animal by-produce. More Blah Blah blah and then the lady in question after telling me in precise detail on what she did not eat, went onto say once again in precise detail on what she did eat. She then hit me with the sucker punch to end all sucker punches and went on to say that-

"I eat fish, eggs, milk, and chicken" followed by more Blah Blah Blahs.

She ended the letter with more Blah Blah Blahs and asked that the kitchen be informed on her needs and hoped that the kitchen would understand and provide the necessary foods to ensure that she would not have another Christmas like she had experienced in the past at other hotels etc etc etc.

I know I am perhaps not the best educated man on the planet and did not go to University or Eton College but even I know with my limited experience of working in kitchens for over 10 years that 'fish, eggs, milk, and chicken' are all byproducts of an animal. The letter was mind blowing and once I had finished laughing and chuckling I got my act together and rang reception and asked them to contact The Boss and ask him to come to the kitchen when he had the time. He duly arrived a little latter and I showed him the letter. I can not describe to you the looks and frowns that shot across his face as he read and reread the letter.

After have another laugh with Boss and a short discussion on what to do, he said that I must show the letter to the Head Chef as soon as possible and nearer the time the guest is due to arrive I must arrange that we have a complete selection of totally vegetarian products for the lady in question and any other vegetarians that might be staying with us at the Christmas package. I duly showed the letter to the Head Chef on his return and after a good laugh he filed the letter in his Christmas menu & orders folder so that we would not forget.

Well I will end now and will tell you in the next post what happened when the lady arrived at the hotel. I have just popped outside and in the short space of time of writing this post it has started snowing big time and is going to stick. Just chased the chickens out of the front garden again. Over half an acre of land to free range around in and they want to be in the small front garden. Dooooh!

Bye for now

"I'm dreaming of a white in between Christmas and New Year" sung to the voice of Bing Crosby. Trust me you would not want to hear me sing it. The only time I sing in public is when the car engine can make make more noise than I can. (Loads of smily and winky emoticons)

No snow but very cold at our gite in Creuse.

2008-12-29T08:50:00.031+01:00

We have had no more snow and Christmas was sadly not at white one here in Creuse. Can't win them all but the weather is certainly making up for it. The temperature has plummeted and although it has not snowed we have had hailstones. I have just had some fun and games with the animals when I went to let them out. Our top male rabbit who is called Buck would you believe had escaped and it took 10 minutes and several trips round the male rabbit enclosure before he was tempted back in with a huge curly cabbage leaf.

Job done and just about to congratulate myself when I noticed that one of the other males had escaped whilst I was chasing Buck. He did not put up much resistance and was easily captured. On to the chickens to let them out and try and catch a couple of mad chickens that have been out all night. The chickens must have a death wish as they keep escaping in the late afternoons. There are too many Monsieur Reynard's (Foxes) in the area to make that a wise idea. I chase them back in and they escape again dooooh. They love getting in to the front garden and after several times round the garden via the caravan or the bushes I frequently give up.

Because the weather is so cold at the moment it is perfect for making tasty winter soups for lunch time and having noticed that we have a lot of onions knocking around I have decided to make a French Onion soup. Not one of those wishy washy ones that you sometimes get but one that is virtually all onion and only a little juice to complement it.

The recipe if you can call it a recipe is very simple. Take at least 10 medium onions / 6 or 7 if large. (red onions can also be used) Peel and remove the core of the onions and slice. Place in a suitable sized container a soak in red wine for at least 1 hour. (The red wine can be drained off afterwards and used in the stock.) Add a bay leaf and a teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce if you have some to the onions and red wine.

The stock for the soup can be made from any stock cubes you have to hand but a beef one would be better. To your stock add 2/3 bay leaves, a little sage, a twig of fresh rosemary if you have some in the garden and a hint of chili powder & paprika to give it a little bit of a bite. A pinch of garlic powder( fresh or paste) can also be added to the stock along with a good dollop of red wine (use the wine from the soaking onions). Use up any bits and bobs of red wine that you might have left over or white wine if that is all you have. Place the stock pan on the stove and bring to the boil and then turn the heat down to simmer. If you have the time we ideally want the stock to reduce down by at least half to give the soup plenty of body.

With the onions soaking and the stock reducing it is time to look for the other ingredients that will make this soup stand out from the normal run of the mill onion soups in my opinion. The price of food being what it is these days means that most people can not afford to waste food and go out and buy items of food that do not have a dual role. Cheese is one of them and also what we need to finish off the soup with. Take what ever cheese you like or have left over and grate. If you have it add some Parmesan cheese and mix with grated bread. A bit fiddly and a danger to the finger tips but any bread that you have that is not as fresh as you would like will do. Dried breadcrumbs are a good substitute.

We will also need some more bread and this can be unsliced or sliced. An Unsliced loaf, cob or a fat french stick would be better but sliced bread can be used. Due to the way Artisans make fresh bread in France it does not have any shelf life and so we always have bread left over that is excellent for grating and toasting. Nothing gets wasted and any left over gets fed to the chickens and geese. Time to drain the onions and add the wine to your stock. Put a little butter & oil/olive and garlic to taste in a deep sided pan and when hot add your onions. Stir with a wooden spoon until nicely sweatted and leave to cook down on a low light. Your stock should have reduced down by half now and after being sieved can be added to the onions. Do not add to much stock. Add enough to cover the onions plus 1 pint of extra stock. A slug of Brandy/Port/Madeira is optional. Then return to the heat and reduce down further. Any extra stock can be saved for another day.

You should end up with a fairly thick onion soup. For serving the soup a high sided soup bowl is ideal but the traditional flatter soup bowl will be OK. If using a high side bowl ladle the soup into the bowl 3/4 full. Slice, cut or carve a thick chunk of bread and place on the top of the soup so it seals in the soup and is more or less level with the top of the bowl. Cover the chunk of bread with your grated cheese mix and sprinkle with paprika and herbs of your choice. Place the bowl/s of soup on an flat baking tray and bake in the oven or glaze under the grill. When then topping is golden brown serve with extra bread/garlic bread for a virtual meal in it self.

If you only have shallow bowls for the soup slice, cut, or carve a thick chunk of bread, coat with cheese mix and glaze under the grill. When the topping is all brown and golden fill your bowl with soup and float your chunk of bread on top of your soup and serve as above. The good thing about this soup is that if you leave it to go cold and re-heat it the next day it increases the flavour. Sort of like a meat stew or casserole where they always seem to taste better when cooked for a second time.

Just of late I have been using and eating a lot of vegetables. The way the price of meat in France is going might force any one to turn vegetarian. Not that there is anything wrong with being a vegetarian. In fact there are many tasty and delicious recipes for food that does not include meat. In my work as a chef I have had the pleasure to cater for all manner of vegetarians and their tastes but on a few occasions I have had deal with the 'Vegetarian from Hell'. There was this lady who........I will tell you all about her in another post.

Keep warm and bye for now.

P.S. Don't forget

2008-12-24T20:18:00.002+01:00

Don't forget to leave a carrot for Rudolph
a glass of Brandy for Father Christmas.

Have you ever wandered why Santa only comes once a year.

Well can you imagine the hang over he must have after eating a mince pie and drinking a glass of Brandy in every house that leaves them out for him.....Hic

Bye

Merry Christmas

Twas Christmas Eve in the 'Work House'

2008-12-24T15:54:00.009+01:00

Or in the kitchen as it was more commonly known as at the hotel I was working in.

Mulled wine with a Twist....hic

Like many chefs and waiters & waitresses at this time of year my colleagues and I were in the middle of a very long shift that in my case started with preparing breakfast for over 150 guests on Christmas Eve morning. We took in turns to be the duty breakfast chef and this meant starting work at 6 a.m. I am quite lucky in some ways because I am the type of person who can get up early and after only a few minutes and a strong cup of coffee be full of life. Some staff I have worked with take hours to be up to full speed and they are as grumpy as 'bear with a sore head'. Throw in a hang over as many staff in our hotel often had and you have a recipe for fun and games. Perhaps their hang over was the reason for being like a 'bear with a sore head'

By the time you get to service time for breakfast you have had a couple of hours of hard work to get your blood flowing and clear up any hang over that you may have had when work first started. There are not many advantages for doing the early shift but one of them is if you have a "Mal de Tete" you can suffer in relative peace and quite and work off some of the inevitable side affects. So when the late starters roll in for work I am often full of mischief by then and like most people I can spot some one suffering from the after effects of to much beer from the night before dead easy.

The dour looks on their face, the slow movements with head down, the face the colour of pea soup and wincing slightly as they mumble quietly to my over cheerful and at the top of my voice "Good Morning" are often good indicators of a hang over and the one that really nails it is when they get the full whiff of cooking bacon and sausages they immediately rush their hand to their mouth in a vain attempt to prevent what's known in the trade as a "multi coloured five fingered yawn" as they dash for the toilet. Time for a bit of kitchen music to help them on their way and a suitable sized pan and lid or large ladle being banged together usually does the trick.

Fairly soon things would begin to liven up and a busy day of constant cooking and serving of food lies ahead for most of the staff and many are very lucky if they get a couple of hours off. The only staff in a hotel at Christmas that follow their normal work routine are the receptionists, hall porters and the "Management". Booo Hisss and a few other unprintable comments. I say that as a laugh because like all places I have worked in there are good and bad management and the complete and utter "@;'!&" that was our Food & Beverages manager.(referred to F&B for short from now on) He was the most miserable "B" that you could imagine and no body had a good word for him. Even his boss did not like his methods.

I should point out at this time that the boss was a good egg and although he wanted his "Pound of Flesh" he was fair and would always buy drinks for the kitchen and restaurant when it was busy and was prepared to get his hands dirty to get the job done. I have watched him take off his dinner jacket in service and wash pots to help the KP's catch up and then put his jacket back on and serve in the restaurant. Then clean up and go and talk with guests. An excellent manager in my books.

The hotel I was working at like many in the area offered a Christmas Package and basically the guests would arrive sometime in the day on Christmas Eve and begin a 3/4 day orgy of food and drink from breakfast time to bed time and beyond. This intern meant the restaurant and the kitchen were working all day non stop everyday. Just giving you some background information to set the scene.

In the immortal words of Frankie Howard
"And so it came to pass"

As the day wore on the guests started arriving in droves for the first of many feasting sessions which always started with a 'Grand Afternoon Tea' Meanwhile many of the kitchen and restaurant staff are still working and preparing for the evening Gala meal and have had no break. Along comes Mr F&B misery guts and starts giving some poor sod a rollicking in front of all the staff for something pretty trivial. I can't recall the exact details but it did involve word like "if you don't buck up you will get the sack etc" Like I said earlier he was a right "B" and many off us were looking forward to the day when he would drop a clanger and be in danger of loosing his job.

The kitchen Gods were smiling on us that day and some of our prayers for his demise were partially answered quicker than we thought. Meanwhile the final preparations for dinner were carrying on and staff took it in turns to go and have a quick wash and clean up ready for service. I was still in the kitchen along with the Head Chef (Hong Kong Fooie) He loved Judo/Taekwondo stuff and was always practising on the chefs. He was from Yarrrkshire as his wife used to say and he was a complete nutter. Part of the Christmas Eve events involved making a "Mulled Wine" that was served with warm mince pies and roasted chestnuts to the guests on their return from Midnight Mass. He and I were overseeing the making of the Mulled wine.

Tradition was we always started making the mix in the late afternoon when the kitchen was at it quietest and there was room on the solid tops for the huge pan that we used. As I mentioned before in a previous post the Mulled wine was a good way to use up all the crap wine and unsold Beaujolais. It was also a way for the F&B manager to get a full allowance for entertaining the guests and at the same time clear out any wine that would never be sold.

We started gathering all the ingredients that the kitchen would supply and rang for the duty F&B to come to the kitchen and supply us with the booze we required. We were in luck and the assistant F&B manager was on duty at the time. He was an OK guy but a little green behind the ears. It was his first position as a F&B manager and was eager to please. As he found out to his cost later he was a little to eager to please and fell for our cunning plan. We told him that as we were making a batch to supply over 150 people we would need plenty of red wine, any odd bottles of white wine laying about and 2 bottles of brandy (cooking quality) 2 bottles of whiskey, a bottle of gin, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of Madeira (cooking quality) a bottle of dark rum and a bottle of port.

We were only having a laugh with the F&B assistant and were stunned when he later turned up with a porters trolley full of booze. Not only had he gave us all that we asked for on our so called list he gave us best quality brandy and dark rum. It took all our inner strength to not bust out laughing and give the game away. After the F&B had left I jokingly said to the Chef "I should of asked for a crate of beer" but he said that that would have give the game away for sure. We proceeded make huge batch of Mulled Wine and at the same time sample some of the better quality ingredients. Needless to say that did not involve the red or white wine.

One bottle of brandy, 1 whiskey and the bottle of port disappeared into the Chefs kitchen drinks cabinet strait away and I was told it was for Ron ....later on. I do believe that some of the whisky, rum, vodka and gin actually made it into the pan but from what I can remember it was not much. Meanwhile there was this massive pan on the solid top stove and during the next 3 hours suffered from sever reduction as it was sampled by all the kitchen staff and a few of the restaurant staff. It reduced down by so much we had to call the F&B assistant again for more red wine.

Amazingly dinner was served without any problems and there was just about enough Mulled Wine left for the guest when they came back from Midnight Mass. The Boss had rumbled us earlier but after a quick word with the Chef in his office he was satisfied that we would more than make up for our inappropriate actions with loads of extra hard work throughout the Christmas period. The Boss was a good mates with the Chef and as he left the Chefs office laughing he said "That will teach the F&B manager a lesson he will not forget" and we later found out that the Boss had given the F&B manager a right royal roasting and threatened him with the sack if he did not buck up.

Apparently the Boss had heard about the rollicking he had given to the member of staff earlier on in the day and he thought it was not warranted. As the saying goes "what goes around comes around" and we had a good laugh at his expense. Twice as turns out as he had to make up the discrepancies in his alcohol stocks.

Strangely enough the F&B manager got into a bit of Hot Water on another occasion involving some immensely wealthy Arabs and the kitchen drinks cupboard but I will tell you that storey on another time perhaps.

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope Santa delivers all your dreams.

A special Merry Christmas to Goooooood Girl

and especially to all the boys and girls who will be working all and day and every day in the kitchens and restaurants over the festive period.

Bye for now and time for a little drinkie poos.

Christmas tips pt 6

2008-12-24T11:36:00.013+01:00

I don't know what it is like where you are but this morning when I woke up it was freeeeezing cold and a pair of track suit bottoms that I hand washed yesterday were frozen solid on the washing line. I could literally hold them upright in my hand. Sadly looks like no snow for a white Christmas here at our Gite in Creuse, Limousin. Central France but you might be lucky or unlucky depending on how badly it snows. We did have snow for 5 days last week but that has now all gone. Thankfully it was not as bad as when we first moved into our house. On our self catering Gite Blog you can read all about what happened to us a few winters ago.

The frost has lifted now and there is not a cloud in the sky and it is a typical sunny winters day where the temperature does not get up to high despite being bright and sunny. I call it "watery sunshine" and I know that tonight there will be a gorgeous bright orange sunset followed by the early evening stars dotting the fading light. Later on the skies will be full of stars and it will be a very cold night. As it is Christmas Eve and the likely hood of being a cold night I think I will make a batch of Mulled Wine.

Mulled wine is easy to make and warms the 'cockles of your heart. It also uses up all the bottles of red/white wine that you might have left over from parties or from people who have come to dinner and brought along a bottle for the meal and somehow you never got round to drinking it. Wine that would rip the back of your throat out or strip paint if drunk on it's own can be very palatable served warm with the addition of a few simple ingredients.

Once again there is no recipe for this Mulled Wine as it is meant to be a way of using up anything that comes to hand. By all means follow a recipe but after making so many of these mixes I don't bother.

Cut two lemons and oranges in half and squeeze out the juices. You can put it in the mix or keep for all those little cooking jobs that require lemon/orange juice. Stud the orange & lemon halves with cloves if you have got them. Using a suitable sized pan (to hold the gallons of unused wine ) put honey, orange/lemon juice, brown/white sugar and the wine into the pan. Add the studded lemon & orange halves into the mix and stir. Grate nutmeg and add a Cinnamon stick or if you do not have a stick use powdered Cinnamon. That's the basics of the mix but you can add what you like to give the wine a bit of a kick. Cheap cooking brandy or at a push a whiskey will certainly give the mix a lift and get your guests in the festive spirits quite literally.

Put the pan on a medium low light and do not boil. Let the mix simmer gently for at least 60-90 minutes to allow it to reduce by a third to give it plenty of body. When ready pass through a fine sieve and put into a smaller pan to keep warm and reduce further. It is perfect for greeting your guests and warming them up when they step in from the cold. Serving the mulled wine with roasted chestnuts was a very traditional thing to do in a bygone era where they went to church on Christmas Eve for a late service and gathered at a Friends house to see in the Christmas.

Roasted chestnuts is another simple and easy thing to prepare. Your local shop or supermarket will have them. In our case we are very lucky and can gather them from our own small Chestnut tree and trees nearby. We also have a huge Walnut tree at our gite that provides us with plenty of walnuts for Chritmas. About a 3/4 weeks ago I went and gathered a huge box full of Chestnuts and will be serving them whole roasted with my Mulled Wine and any left over will be peeled for my home made sage & onion stuffing and or served with our sprouts. To prepare for roasting cut a cross in the top and bottom of the chestnuts and pop in the oven for 15-20 minutes on a medium heat (keep an eye on them) and when ready serve warm with your Mulled Wine.

Christmas tips pt 5

2008-12-24T08:54:00.013+01:00

There coming thick and fast now.

Some of the recurring themes throughout the tips I have posted are all about being quick and easy to serve, different ideas, good kitchen time management and at the same time reducing the wastage and just doing thing differently. Here are some more quickies for you.

If serving bread sauce with the roast turkey/goose why not make your own if you have a blender. Remove the crusts of sliced bread (unsliced and does not have to be fresh) Dice into rough cubes. Bring some milk slowly to the boil with bay leaf and half a onion studded with cloves in it.
Add the cubes of bread to the milk and simmer for 10 minutes, put the mix in the blender, and finish with grated nut meg and fresh milled black pepper. Simple and easy. Uses up old bread, less E numbers from the packet mix and the pleasure of making your own. There is no exact quantities for the recipe just use what you think is enough for your numbers.

Sage and onion stuffing is traditional with roast turkey etc and although packet mix is easy you can make it yourself without too much effort. Peel and finely dice some onion, sweat the onions in fresh or dried sage.
Having grated breadcrumbs before hand add to the onions. Add enough chicken stock to cover the mix, stir in and cook till the liquid has been soaked up. I like to add chopped chestnuts and pieces of orange/satsuma/clementines/apricots at this point and finish off with seasoning. Finish and serve or place in a dish and bake for a crispy top.

Roast potatoes I have mentioned in Christmas hints pt3 but here is another quick and tasty idea. Prepare and roast as you prefer and use sea salt and fresh/dried rosemary to add extra flavour. Sage is another way of spicing up your potatoes instead of the rosemary.

Boiled potatoes skin on or skin off can be infused with fresh mint. Tie the fresh mint in a bundle for easy removal after cooking. Don't throw the water away after cooking. Use the flavoured potato water as a stock base for any soups you might make with the left over vegetables. Any left over cooked potatoes can be sliced and sauteed in butter and chopped parsley and served with cold ham or cold cuts on Boxing Day or served with a hearty Christmas breakfast. They can also be used up in the traditional potato salad for the buffet.

A little tip for you. Sometimes the potatoes slightly over cook and start to fall apart. If that happens then use the fallen potatoes as an alternative to the potato salad mix. Remove and drain any excess liquid, add chopped chives or chopped parsley, a little cream and seasoning and mix with some sweated onions and serve cold in a bowl on the buffet.

If you are up for a little extra work take the mix described above for the fallen potatoes and shape in to small cylinder shapes, roll in seasoned flour, dip in egg wash and coat in fresh/dried breadcrumbs to make home made croquette potatoes. Pan fry of shallow/deep fry in hot oil until golden. Goes well with fish dishes and I am sure the kids will like them as well. (most likely coated in lashings of tomato ketchup)

I seem to be mentioning using bread in some of the tips above but for me the best way to use up old bread is to make a Bread & Butter pudding, serve with a brandy snap basket filled with brown bread flavoured Ice-cream and set on a pool of raspberry coulis and or a cold vanilla sauce (custard if you like) hhmmmmm...Delicious. We used to serve it in the restaurant for Sunday lunches and the Head Chef loved it. You did hear me right when I said brown bread Ice-cream. We used to make all our own Ice-creams and brandy snap baskets. You won't believe how easy they are to make but perhaps I will tell you another time.

Christmas Tips pt4

2008-12-24T07:08:00.008+01:00

Christmas is almost upon us and any last minute shopping for presents, food & drink for the festivities will be a frantic head long dash from one shop to another to get the last of the items that you have planned for Christmas. Presents for the kids, toiletries for the Aunts and Uncles etc and a whole host of unplanned goodies that catch your eye when shopping because they are a fantastic bargain.

If your still looking for any last minute vegetable ideas for Christmas lunch why not think about buying some red cabbage. Red cabbage besides being very colourful to the eye is seasonal and reasonably cheap compared to other vegetables at this time of year. If you just boil it and add seasoning and serve to your guests it might be a bit of let down. So here is a little tip for you on a nice way to serve the cabbage.

Prepare and slice as you would for white cabbage. Place in a suitable container/pan and soak in orange juice for a least a couple of hours before cooking.
When it comes to cooking drain the cabbage and put the juice to one side. Melt some butter in a pan and add brown sugar (dark if you have it) Add a little red wine vinegar if you have it (white/malt vinegar will do) and allow the mix to infuse together for 5 minutes.

When the mix is nice and hot add your red cabbage and sweat the cabbage for about 5-10 minutes (turn the cabbage as you go) After sweating the cabbage add the orange juice you drained earlier. Cook until still crisp to bite and add raisins or sultanas. You can add walnuts for a crunchy taste and or cooked cranberries (cranberry jelly/sauce) to the mix for a really sweet taste. Season with salt and fresh crushed pepper finish cooking and serve. A little red wine could be added to the orange juice when soaking the cabbage before cooking as an alternative.

When the meal is finished and if you have any red cabbage left over(not to overcooked) then allow to cool. Slice some onions and mix with the cabbage, place in suitable sized container or jar with lid and fill with malt vinegar. You can add gherkins if you have got them and leave to soak. The quasi pickled cabbage mix can then be served with any savoury foods you might have prepared for the buffet on Boxing Day.

Nothing should be wasted at Christmas and this way you have a different option for the veg, the red cabbage goes well with roast Turkey or Goose and you have a pickled accompaniment to go with the inevitable cold buffet that we all do to use up the masses of turkey/goose that is left over.

Still looking for another green vegetable for the meal. Try Mange Tout ( eat all as the french would say) Perhaps a little expensive but quick and easy to use. Shops looking to clear their shelves might be selling of cheaply and you might get a good price on them. Mange Tout is very colourful, no waste and most important of all very economical on time during service. Pan fry in melted butter, lemon juice and fresh cracked black pepper and serve in under 5 minutes. It can be the last job you do before you sit down.

Another alternative would be to finely slice the Mange Tout before hand, with a hot saute pan reduce some double cream/whipping cream down with a little lemon juice, add a hint of horseradish sauce or Dijon seed mustard, add the sliced Mange Tout, cook for 1 minute at the most, season with paprika/or hint of chili powder and fresh milled black pepper and serve.

Bye for now and more on the way.

Internet Security and Christmas

2008-12-22T11:35:00.021+01:00

Internet security is not the first thing on most peoples minds when it comes to Christmas and New Year. For most people there are many things that are important to them during the festive period and providing for family and Friends comes way above Internet security and I am willing to bet that at least 80% of the public don't even give it a thought.

A few years back I would be one of the 80% I was talking about above but a bad experience with computer security that corrupted my hard drive and in doing so destroyed all my data on our booking details for our Self Catering Gite in Creuse France. (I apologise profusely for that outrageous plug for our self catering Gite ) but it did happen and we lost a lot of details and it took a lot of time and money to fix the the problem and get the web site back up and running.

It has made me realise that no matter what time of the year it is the villains do not stop because of the holidays or festive period. In fact I personally believe that the villains look forward to Christmas time etc because they can make more money because many folks let their defenses down and are concentrating on other matters.

The advent of on-line shopping has created a whole new industry in shopping and year after year more and more people are using their computers to buy on-line. To buy their purchases they are putting their trust and faith in the companies that are selling on-line and the equipment that is used to enable on-line shopping. That means using our computers, the sellers computers, the banking and credit card systems computers and software from a well known operating system along with lesser other smaller operating systems to facilitate the process. This makes for a big operating procedure that is full of security issues and loopholes that the bad boys can easily infiltrate and make big bucks and easy cash.

No system is fool proof and that well known software house I mentioned a few minutes ago has just had to rush out another security patch in their on-line browser. They are constantly having to do this to catch up because P.C. security is all about 'Catch Up'. Don't get me wrong it is not just them that have these problems as all the other software houses are in the same boat. It's because they are the biggest that they the most attacks to their system. As the saying goes " The Bigger You are The Harder You Fall". If the software that runs our computers is constantly under attack then the software that deals with our credit cards and bank debit cards we use to buy on-line also must be under constant attack and easily breached.

As I pointed out above no system is fool proof but you can make your end of the chain as safe as you can. A few simple rules and procedures will go along way to help keeping your on-line security and financial records away from the preying eyes of the villains.

For more free and paid software why not visit my site for information on where to download the software from.

For security on your P.C. the absolute minimum you should be running is :-

A firewall See here for ZoneAlarm. Free and paid versions available. Trial period on the free download version available for the paid version ZoneAlarm pro. This is just one example of a firewall. There are plenty of other firewalls you can choose from that are free and paid for.

1 anti-virus software (do not run more than 1. Can cause conflicts and false reports)

1 anti-spyware programme

Another excellent piece of software and is free to download. A one off fee if you so wish will buy you the rights to automatic updates and some extra functions for life. This was one of the programs I used to remove a very annoying piece of spyware called XP 2008/2009. Basically a fake anti-spyware company that infects your P.C. and forces you to download their software to remove problems they put on your computer in the first place. The spyware all but disables your P.C. and allows you to connect only with their server is one way it attacks you. There are others.

1 spyware blocker that blocks out software and sites from running in the first place.

Try Spywareblaster (free) www.javacoolsoftware.com/index.html

Once again another excellent piece of software and is free. They would like a donation to help pay bills but that's entirly up to you.

A highly recommended piece of software is Malwarebytes' Anti-malware. The link takes you strait to the checkout where you can buy the full version. It is a one time fee for activation. There is also a free version.

Keep your operating software up to date and make sure you are running the latest Java software. Keep your machine free of any excess temp files and unnecessary clutter. CCleaner is an excellent and recommended piece of software and is also free. Like most software that I recommend you can upgrade if you like but you do not have to do so I you do not.

You can add extra layers of defense with other speciality software dedicated to dealing with specific threats. For example an anti-Trojan software for dealing with Trojans only. Having gone to all the trouble of protecting your computer don't forget to keep your software up to date. Out of date software will not deal with the latest threats no matter how good the product is or costs. Any one who tells you other wise is in my opinion is trying to pull a fast one. The latest updates only deal with the latest threats as they materialise and are in a constant game of catch up.

Having made your machine as secure as possible for purchasing on-line don't let your guard down by forgetting the basic rules of on-line shopping. Even by following common sense basic rules when it comes to on-line transactions will not protect you fully but you can reduce the threat to the absolute minimum. It is easy to forget but the villains these days don't wear blue and white horizontal T shirts, wear a black mask and walk round with a bag on their back with SWAG marked on it. They quite often wear designer clothes, flash suites and are rolling in other peoples cash.

Even big high street names that you think you can trust are out to make money and they also make money out of you when and if it goes wrong. So when you buy on-line:-

Choose reputable companies( Yes I know ....how do you know they are reputable...they are all reputable until it goes wrong)

Where possible always pay with a credit card as you do have more rights of comeback than paying with a debit card. Paying with a debit card means the money is paid to the business right away and if a problem develops you can't stop payment. With a credit card you can stop a payment with the credit card issuers say so.

When you make a purchase write down any reference numbers that you might see on the screen.

Make a note of the time, date and any other relevant details that might come in handy later.

Make a note of the costs and the shipping charges to marry up with your credit card or bank debit statements. Write down the full costs that you are shown on the screen-sometimes the final tally is slightly different to the price advertised for tax reasons, credit card handling charges, etc.

If you can try and highlight the order pages and copy the details to a word processor programme/ or if you can and have the right software take a screen snap of the details.

When it comes to buying on-line sometimes pure common sense will prevent you from having any problems and also by buying items that are readily recognizable as a product. What I mean by that is for example is if your buying the latest phone, game, electrical product etc from a recognisable retailer you have an idea what you are getting but if you are buying into something like information or property development clubs/timeshares or investment opportunities you have nothing to go on other than what someone has put in a web site. Handing over your credit card / bank card details over the Internet is fraught with danger at the best of times but handing the details to an unknown proposition is almost asking for trouble.

In the meantime I hope all your on-line purchases are all honky dory and you have a trouble free experience.

Shopping on-line with Amazon.co.uk is a perfect example of being able to shop on-line with the knowledge that you are dealing with a safe, secure and reputable company. Another blatant plug but at least you do have a choice. You either do or you don't buy something from Amazon. Pure and simple.

Bon Chance

Until next time.

More Christmas tips pt 3

2008-12-20T04:45:00.013+01:00

The traditional potato dish to have with your Roast Turkey and trimmings is roast potatoes. I personally love roasted potatoes and think they should be served with all roasted meats. Preparing and cooking the festive meal for the whole family can be a stressful time for the person who has got the job of ensuring the meal is cooked to perfection and served on time. Hopefully I might be able to provide you with some ideas on cooking and preparation.

Last Christmas my family and I had the chance to try Roast Goose for Christmas dinner instead of traditional turkey. It was not one of our geese and we purchased a free range bird from a local French farmers wife. Spot, Tickle, & Campbell are our pet geese and there is no way that I was going to eat any of them. I have not the heart or the inclination to dine on them even though the price of free range geese is extortionate. One of the by-products of having goose on the menu is you get a lot of fat of the bird when you roast it.

In times gone bye the locals would rub the solidified fat on their bodies to keep warm in winter but the advent of thermals and central heating systems have put an end to that. The fat from the goose is excellent for roasting potatoes in and the flavour it adds is very tasty. The good news is that you can buy goose fat in packets and in some case in jars and if you can find a supplier I recommend that you try using goose fat this Christmas.

Having decided what you are going to roast the Potato's in you might want to consider this little tip for assisting you with roasting the potatoes and some help with oven management if the demands on your oven outweigh the space. The frequently do and even in a big kitchen we always seem to be struggling for oven space as service time approached. Our wood burning stove at our self catering gite certainly benefited from this method as it was a God send when it came to cooking time.

Put your peeled and prepared potatoes into a pan of hot seasoned water and par cook the potatoes so that they are still firm and not falling at the edges. Drain thoroughly and if not cooking immediately allow to cool. This method allow you extra space in the oven at at a time when demand is at it's peak and when it comes to cooking the potatoes it also makes for faster cooking time.

If goose fat is not an option then normal oil or olive oil will be fine for roasting your spuds in. Unless of course you want to try something a little different with your potatoes. Peel and prepare your potatoes as normal and place in a deep sided roasting tray. Make up a beef stock or use a stock cube and fill the roasting tray until half way up the sides of the potatoes. Brush the tops of the spuds with melted butter and add salt and pepper to your taste. Place in a hot oven for cooking and every so often brush a little more melted butter on top of the potatoes. You should end up with the tops of the potatoes all brown,golden and crispy and the bottom of the spuds will be soft and full of the juices of the beef stock.

For presentation you can with a small Sharpe knife carve the potatoes into barrel shapes before cooking. It takes a little bit more time to prepare your potatoes and you do have lots of potato trimmings left over but the results are worth the effort and the off cuts can be boiled up for making mash or as a base for a soup. You could go the extra mile and if you have a melon scooper/baller to hand, scoop out balls of potatoes, blanch in hot seasoned water and drained thoroughly. Pan fry in a little butter and olive oil until cooked and golden. Add herbs and seasoning to your taste.

This will definitely produce a wow factor on the table but also lots of Gouder cheese style potatoes. Simply cut up and make into a mash or use as a soup base. If you do make a mash of the left over potato and you have a piping bag and a star nozzle you could pipe the mix into potato towers, brush with melted butter, place on a greased baking tray and brown under the grill or in the oven. Another variation would be to pipe potato towers and using a wooden spoon handle indent the top of the tower and fill with a little grated cheese and cream or tomato concasse.

Just a few little ideas for serving your potatoes this Christmas and what ever you decide to do I hope it all goes well.

Good luck.
and
Happy cooking.

More Christmas Tips pt 2

2008-12-18T11:00:00.010+01:00

Carrot serving suggestions.

Almost all will be having carrots on the menu at some time this Christmas. Carrots are a traditional and colourful root vegetable that goes with just about any main course and is easy to prepare. Almost a pre-requisite and once prepared can be ticked off the preparation list. Most people will probably peel, slice and cook in water seasoned with butter, salt and pepper.

Perhaps you might want to experiment with carrots this year. As all ways time, space and budget is a consideration and so some thing a simple as carrots can easy be overlooked. A simple but easy way to spruce up the carrots without creating to much work would be to add some brown sugar, honey. butter and orange juice to the carrots whilst cooking. This will enhance the natural sweetness of the carrot and if you only put just enough water to cover the carrots and cover with a piece of greaseproof paper the cooking liquor will reduce down and form tasty glaze on the carrots. (be careful not to reduce the liquid to far as the carrots might burn)

Sliced carrots are quick and easy but if you have a decent canelle ( a small tool for peeling zesting channeling and cutting grooves in citrus fruits etc) you can score the carrots and produce pretty looking flower shaped slices. This one pictured here is also a zester and rather expensive but you can get one a lot cheaper. Some tools for grooving are in line with the handle and some are at a right angle to the handle. If the groover is at a right angle you do not have to cut the carrots into sections but if the groover is in line with the handle you will probably have to cut the carrots into 2/3 inch lengths to make it easier.

Remove equal width grooves all around the carrot and slice. You should have flower shaped slices. The carrot that has been removed can used for decorating other dishes that you are preparing or added to the mix for a vegetable soup etc.

If you do not have a canelle then why not try battening the carrots for extra style. Peel the carrots and cut into 2/3 inch lengths. With a decent knife cut away the excess rounded part of the carrot to form a square shaped rectangle. Slice lengthwise in equal sections and then slice into equal sections again to produce stick shaped lengths of carrot. Cooking can be as above or as you like to cook your carrots. Once again the excess carrots can be used as rough shaped batons or cut up and put into the soup base. Nothing has to be wasted and if the carrots are very clean and have a good looking skin on them then don't bother peeling them. If necessary wash and scrub with a fresh green scourer to maximise flavour from the carrot.

Another option would be to chop swede and carrots into chunks (ratio 2 Carrots : 1 swede) and over cook them, add butter, chopped parsley or other soft fresh herbs, grated nutmeg and mash the mix to form a carrot/swede puree. Serve as is or place in a suitable serving dish, brush with a little melted butter and sprinkle with breadcrumbs (fresh/dried or mixed) and glaze under the grill or bake in the oven. If you like you can add a little Parmesan cheese or any other grated cheese that you have to hand. If swede is not to your taste then just use carrots on their own. The best part about cooking your carrots like this is you can pre prep the mix, place the mix in the appropriate dish and put it in the oven when nearing service time. The pan work can be cleared away, It's one less item on the stove top, and serves straight to the table from the oven.

Another way for preparing carrots would be to roast them whole like you would roast potatoes or roast them with other root vegetable such as parsnips, swede, turnips and sweet potatoes or yams. This method can be done at the same time as you are roasting the potatoes to save on oven space. If you decide to roast them separate from the potatoes then add a little fresh rosemary, sea salt and balsamic vinegar in with the oil/olive oil or goose fat for a very tasty flavour.

I used to be a full time Chef and I know what it is like to prepare Christmas food for loads of hungry and demanding customers and preparing food for your family and friends can be just as challenging. Just changing a few ways that you prepare you food can have fantastic results and at the same time not be over challenging, time consuming and very costly. Hopefully these hints and tip will have given you 'A little food for thought' and allow you a bit more time to enjoy the festivities.

Bye until next time.

For a selection of books on cooking and recipes for Christmas and gifts for friends and family why not try the Gite book store below or if you are looking for more blogs on French life see here-
www.french-gite-creuse.co.uk

Amazon.co.uk Widgets

More Christmas Hints & Tips

2008-12-16T11:28:00.016+01:00

Just a few ideas and variations on traditional vegetable and potatoes for you Christmas dinner if you have the time, space and the equipment to hand without having to go a spend unnecessary money on the equipment.

When it comes to Christmas Day Lunch the vegetables that are usually on offer are carrots, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, new potatoes, boiled potatoes, and roast potatoes. There is nothing wrong with these choices because the easy to prepare, they are in season and they provide colour, texture and are pleasing to most people. There are plenty of other options but I am willing to bet that at least 4 or more of the above will be found on virtually every ones table

If you have the time and and space in your kitchen you can make the usual choices just a little bit more special and maybe get someone at your table eating something they do not normally eat.

In this post I will deal with the humble Brussels sprout.

Love them or hate them they will always be around at this time of year. If cooked right they are full of nutrients and can taste nice. Besides the obvious after affects of eating sprouts on some people many have come to hate them because they were fed them when they were children and they were boiled to death and were vile to taste.

Why not try serving them different and see if the 'no takers' will have a try. If you are using fresh or frozen sprouts try not to overcook them. Yellow, watery slush is not my idea of a tasty vegetable and I can remember being served sprouts like that at school and there was no way that I was going to eat them and I like sprouts.

If they are fresh sprouts clean off any loose and unwanted sprout leaves, cut a cross in the bottom to allow the heat to penetrate the sprout quickly, then blanch them in salted hot water with a drop of lemon juice in until 'Al Dente' (commonly referred to pasta but also the same for vegetables where the food is still crisp to bite but cooked).

Refresh them rapidly with cold water and drain thoroughly. A good tip would be to have a separate container with cold water all ready in it instead of putting the pan with the hot sprouts under the cold tap. It saves water and cools the sprouts down quicker. If you have spare ice then put it into the cold water before adding the sprouts.

When it come to serving them try pan frying them in hot butter with a hint of oil/olive oil with chestnuts and cooked bacon pieces and sprinkle with flaked almonds and chopped parsley/herbs if you have got them. The same can be done for frozen sprouts. Just defrost them and drain of any excess water before hand. If you do not have any nuts or there is a guest that has a nut allergy you can add cooked shallots instead.

Stir frying finely sliced sprouts with lemon, butter, and nutmeg is another way of presenting sprouts. Cut raw sprouts in half and cut out the middle section like you would do on a cabbage. cut in half again and finely slice. When ready to serve heat a little butter in a pan and add the sprouts, stir quickly and add salt pepper and grated nutmeg and finish with a little lemon. You could if you want add some cream to the stir fried sprouts and dust with paprika for colour.

Flaked almonds and or walnut pieces added at the last minute will add a crunchy texture to the sprouts. Toasting the almond flakes before hand is a good idea but be careful when toasting the almonds. In the blink of an eye they will go from just browning to burnt black. As the saying goes "When it's brown it's cooked when it's ......... expensive bin material".

Another idea for serving sprouts is to deep fry them in a curry flavoured batter. Adding chili sauce or Tabasco adds a little bit of fire. I used to use a curry flavoured batter for serving cauliflower florets instead of cheese sauce or plain boiled. The sprouts must be blanched as described above and well drained. Make a simple batter with flour, water, eggs, seasoning, lemon juice or lime, and curry powder/paste. flavour with any other spices you like. Dip the sprouts in to the batter mix, shake off any excess batter and place into hot oil to fry. Once golden brown and crisp lift out of oil and place on some kitchen towel to drain of excess oil. Dust with paprika and fresh chopped herbs and serve.

When Christmas Day lunch is finished any left over sprouts can always be used up along with any other vegetables that you have in a tasty soup. With the price of food going up and up it is good kitchen management to reuse any bits and pieces you have left over. For a simple way of using up left overs and making an easy Home made vegetable soup. visit our Creuse gite blog spot.

Bye for now.

More blogs and information on Anti-spyware & P.C. security and playing & free on-line games. at La Tuilerie self catering Gite.

Stock Market Fraud

2008-12-15T13:30:00.006+01:00

Not so long ago I posted a blog and a rant about the "Credit Crunch" and various goings on that Joe Public does not understand and one way or another will have to pay for it in the long run with job losses, tax hikes, pension losses and higher cost of living.

I also touched on the fact that some of the big boys in the stock markets know what exactly is going on and that some of stock market dealings are a 'House of Cards built on Shifting Sands" Looks like some one has been 'caught with their hand in the cookie jar'.

A recent headline in the news

"Banks are lining up to reveal billions in potential losses as a result of alleged fraud by Wall Street investment manager Bernard Madoff."

Hardly a week goes by without some bank or financial institution revealing huge losses for unsafe dealing practises or they are writing of billions of dollars/pounds/euros/yen because they got greedy and dived head long in to something that many of them don't know anything about. They are using creative accounting to try and bury their losses and their shame because they have been caught out. Even then they are not revealing the true full costs to the public/shareholders/respective governments that they go begging to for bail out money. They dare not! The whole system would collapse instantly.

It was not so long ago that a big high street bank in Britain said something along the lines "we are exposed to debt of 1.8 billion pounds bla bla blah" and then not long after that have to announce that they are exposed to umpteen billions over and above what they had previously announced. I can't remember the exact figures because since them there has been so many of these stories it is hard to keep up. Bit it should give you an idea what I am referring to.

I personally believe that the whole banking and financial institution has actually collapsed all ready but the big boys at the top are holding it just about together by creative accounting and emergency borrowing from governments. They are grasping a straws in the hope that something will come along save them. They are not passing on huge drops in interest rates, they are foreclosing on businesses and demanding loans back immediately.

A certain bank who is part of a banking giant are even looking at a way of forcing mortgage owners with them to pay in thousands of pounds from their savings into their mortgage accounts to prevent them from being in breech of the mortgage contract. That very same contract that they only to happy to give to borrowers when they were raking in billions in charges for interest and various other charges related to acquiring a mortgage.

Due to public reaction they might no go ahead with it but it shows they are looking for anyway to recover their losses. Bearing in mind that the very same banking giant was running adverts not so long ago advertising their "sensible banking practises" Here is a laugh, that same giant has acquired other financial institutions that collapsed. Who rescues them if they were to collapse?

"The doo doo has hit the extractor" and everybody is going to be hit by the flying debris. When I mean everyone I am referring to the us mere mortals who are way down the pecking order. The few lucky ones at the top will manage to slip through the net with their millions of greed money before the whole lot fall flat on it's face.

Even if they do manage to save the 'System' and then start to look for the guilty people what will they do with them? Even if some of the guilty are convicted for their wrong doings and dodgy dealing will they get sent to a maximum security prison and do hard time? No they will be sent to some lesser grade security prison where they will still able to wear their designer clothes and carry on living a fairly comfortable life style.

One final thought - part of the reason all these troubles have come about is because the banks have stopped lending to each other. To bail them out the governments are borrowing money to bail them out. Who are they borrowing all these billions from if the banks are not lending?

Just a thought.

Christmas Turkey - hints and tips

2008-12-15T08:35:00.011+01:00

Many of you will be thinking about preparing for the Christmas festivities
soon so I though you might be interested in a few hints, tips and ideas that
you might want to try this year.

Christmas is fast approaching and thoughts will be turning to preparing the
traditional family roast turkey. With the price of gas and electricity rocketing
buying a large whole turkey can be very expensive to cook compared to last year. Many traditionalist put the "thoroughly defrosted turkey if using a frozen one" in the oven the night before on a very low light. If that what you prefer then no worries but you could try this method if you want. At the same time as saving fuel on cooking it also cuts down on the chances of partially raw meat where the leg and the breast meet and over cooked turkey.

It does not matter if you are using a frozen turkey or a fresh turkey (free range or battery) for Christmas you can save on cooking time and energy cost by removing the legs and cooking separately. If you have the time, a reasonable knife and the confidence you can take the legs of the turkey and de-bone them yourself. If not you might consider buying a crown of turkey and either have it without leg meat or buy legs separate and roast them along side the crown. If you have a good local butcher he or she might be willing to remove the legs for you and de-bone the legs and roll them. The choice is up to you according to your budget.

For the purposes of this exercise we will assume that you have a crown of turkey and the legs boned and rolled ready for cooking.

Because we are removing the legs from the turkey the cooking time will be reduced because the heat of the oven will be able to flow around the crown of the turkey more freely. To cook your turkey place in a suitably sized roasting tray with the thin narrow end of the turkey crown pointing down and the fat end up in the air. It is a good idea to wrap the thin end in tin foil to prevent over cooking. Wrap about 4 or 5 inches of the thin end with the foil. To also aid good air flow around the turkey cut large flat chunks of potatoes and place them in the bottom of your roasting tray and set the turkey crown on them as described above. You can also put large chopped roots vegetables in as well. If you do not want to do this then use the bones from the legs to rest the crown on and the bones can be used for the home made gravy.

Give the skin of the turkey a good coating of oil/melted butter and season to your taste and also put about half a pint of water or stock in the bottom of the roasting tray. I also lay slices of bacon on the breast meat to protect it and providing you remove it before it gets to over cooked it can be served with the turkey. You can cover the turkey breast with what ever you fancy and some people coat it in mustard, herbs and spices.

I have not mentioned stuffing the center of the turkey because that is no longer allowed in a kitchen that caters for the general public. If you wish to stuff the center of the turkey then that is up to you but it does slow cooking time and can cause under cooking. If you stuff the turkey or serve the stuffing separate why not be a little more adventurous and mix in chopped dried apricots, orange or satsuma segments and diced chestnuts if you have them. One place I worked at we put fresh oysters in the mix as well. Tinned oysters will do just as good and you might be pleasantly surprised with the results. There is nothing wrong with packet stuffing mix but you can make it a little less boring.

The legs that have been boned and rolled earlier are placed in a smaller tray for roasting and prepared just like the crown unless you have a big enough roasting tray then they can be cooked along side the crown and removed when cooked. They should be cooked before the crown has finished cooking. Remember when I said place the turkey on a bed of chunky flat potatoes / root vegetables well there are two reason for that. Firstly the air flows under the turkey for ease of cooking and also reduces fuel costs and the chances of the turkey drying out underneath, but secondly it provides a tasty treat for the Chef once the turkey is cooked. If you have cut big enough chunks of potato and put stock in the bottom the tray you will have gorgeous tasting potatoes that are soggy and crispy at the same time. Yuuummmmyy. Bad for the heart but delish.

A good idea for cooking your turkey is to allow 15 minutes cooking time per 1 LB/pound weight and add 15-30 minutes on top for good measure. Start the turkey off in a pre heated oven at a temperature of 220C/425F/gas mark 7 and after about 10-15 minutes turn down to 200C/400F/gas mark 6 for the rest of the cooking time. These are guides and you know your oven better than me. During the cooking time it is a good idea to baste the turkey breast with the juices from the bottom of the roasting tray. The juices are poured over the breast to prevent drying out during cooking and also impart extra flavour. This method of roasting your turkey should ensure that it reduces cooking time, keeps the meat as moist as possible and greatly reduce the chances of the turkey not being fully cooked.

The end result from this method should produce a tasty properly cooked turkey that is moist and easy to carve and serve. It also give the cook/chef/slave a bit of breathing space when it come to oven management and at the same time save a little money. It also allows the person cooking the meal a chance to have a little drinky poos whilst keeping on top of things. Having gone to all the trouble to prepare the perfect turkey for Christmas Day don't do what I did one year.

I put a very large turkey in the oven which was being used for one of the center pieces on the Grand Buffet on Boxing day. I proceeded to get on with the many tasks allotted to me on that day and totally forgot about the turkey cooking in the oven when the Chef allowed us a couple of hours break to take us to the local pub and treat us to a few beers. I was enjoying the refreshments when it suddenly dawned on me on what I had done. When we got back to the kitchen the very large turkey was dried up that much it had shrunk to the point that the breast bone was protruding well above the meat and was totally ruined.
..ooooppppps did I get it in the neck and The Chef was not a happy bunny. Fortunately we had spare turkeys and another was roasted in time for the buffet.

For a selection of books on cooking and recipes for Chritmas and gifts for friends and family why not try the Gite book store below or if you are looking for more blogs on French life see here-
www.french-gite-creuse.co.uk

Amazon.co.uk Widgets

Sex and alcohol- No need for drugs!

2008-12-11T18:21:00.009+01:00

I have started to write about some of the things that my work mates, friends, co-workers, associates and I got up whilst working in busy galleys and kitchens in the hotel and catering industry between 1975-2000. Some of the events that took place are sometimes very funny and some were not so funny if you where the person on the receiving end. Some of them you probably won't believe but I can assure you they did happen. Practical jokes and playing tricks on your fellow worker was the norm and some times they got out of hand and feelings got hurt, but for the most part they were laughed off and taken as part and parcel of the daily life in the industry we were working in. Even the lad I told you about before who was tricked in to putting his thumb in to boiling sugar just laughed it off eventually!

To give you an idea what life was like I will give you some background information to start with to avoid over repeating it during some of the tales that I will be relating. My co-workers and I were working in a busy hotel and our terms of employment included L.I.A.F. which meant live in all found and basically meant that we had some where to eat, sleep, live and work and what we earned after tax and deductions for national insurance was all ours. We had no bills for gas, electric, water, rates/poll tax/council tax, etc, no food bills and we even got fed on our days off. There was off course a payback because there always is!

We worked 'hours as required' and this meant that there was no finishing work when your 40 hours were up, you had to stay until the job was finished. 50/60/70 hours a week for 40 hours pay was quite common and many of the staff and I have worked longer hours than that for no extra pay. We did get Lieu days and sometimes overtime but mainly when it came to major bank holidays etc we got a lieu day as well as our 8 hours pay for the day. A sort of swings and roundabouts but the employer got the better of the deal in the end. At the time we did not care as we were mostly all youngsters and after finishing a hard days work we would get cleaned up and let the party begin.

Life in the hotel at the time was one long party involving booze and sex interrupted by going to work. and then starting all over again. There was no drugs as such, we did not need or want them as we relieved our stress and tensions by drinking, bed hopping and parties. Binge drinking was rife in the hotel as was chasing the opposite sex.

We had a male and female staff block (inter mixed eventually) that was more like a brothel without payment than a place to live and relax. If they could have put infrared cameras out side the staff accommodation they would of seen a endless procession of people travelling back and forth between their respective quarters at all hours of the night.

Almost every night there was a party going on till all hours and sometime the party would only stop when many of the staff had to start their breakfast shifts. Many a member of staff would turn up for work still drunk and looking like Death on Legs but it was normal and as long as the managed to complete their shift they could always sleep it of latter. Most if not all the staff's life would revolve around getting up, going to work, finishing their shift, going to the pub/bar or a drinking session in the staff block, returning to work (most of the staff were on split shifts) finish up in the evening, get cleaned up and then head to the pub followed by a trip to a night club and or a party in some ones room, or all three as the case was on many occasions.

As mentioned before there was a lot of chasing after the opposite sex and usually after or during a booze up. Come to think of it was going on all day as well. Boys were being boys and the girls were defending their honour although in some cases some were not defending their honour as well as they should be. It was not just the blokes that were up for a bit of 'slap and tickle' and there was several young ladies that had a problem with their loose fitting underwear and at least one of them did not bother with such refinery.

Names have been changed for obvious reason but we had several horizontal Lil's, a couple of dirty Gerty's, a hairy Mary and one young girl who was banned by the local rugby club from their traditional game of 'Pick a Pig'. They always played the game when they got a new player and she was always being picked. Also it was costing the poor bloke a fortune as part of the rules were that if you win you had to buy the winner drinks all night and take her to bed. The lass in question could drink like a fish and I will leave you to figure out the next part but it involves rabbits. Strangely enough the unfortunate player always seem to have a sudden loss of form not long after playing the game. Can't think why!.

The girl in question had a very bubbly character in the day time but after a few beers at night she turned in to a 'man eater' and many a time she pounced on a poor drunken and unsuspecting victim as he made his way home from the club. Don't get me wrong many of the said victims did not put up to much of a fight and as the saying goes "any port in a storm". One thing that was common with all her victims was they sobered up they vehemently denied anything went on but we all knew! She used to take great pride in regaling the boys and girls about her latest conquest.

In our tight knit community nothing was sacred and secrets did not stay secret for long. We literally lived on top of each other and we all knew each others business.
The latest victim would usually keep a low profile for a few days before he felt it safe to venture out to the pub or night club. He certainly would make sure that the next time he was drunk he would surround himself with a crowd for protection and keep an eye on the exact location of the 'man eater'. There was one bloke that was a hero amongst most of the blokes in the area because he liked her and regularly was seen sneaking in to her staff room late at night. The male population could breath a sigh of relief and rest easy when they knew he was about. A hero in the eyes of all the founder members of the 'Thunderbirds Club' but will leave that for another time.

With living in close proximity to each other we soon got to know each others likes and dislike. Who was jealous of who and why? Who was seeing who and who was up for grabs. Testosterone and pheromones mixed and clashed daily and this made for strange bed fellows at night time and fighting like cats and dogs in the daytime. Us against them, kitchen versus the restaurant, kitchen and restaurant against the
receptionists, and then kitchen, reception, and restaurant against the management. On a few occasions a few grudges got out of hand and fights broke out but by and large it was all banter, bravado and show.

The hotel staff were a mixture of scousers, geordies, brummies, cockneys, Scots, English, welsh and Irish. The mix of staff made for a sense of humour that was lightning sharp and the repartee was full of comebacks, ripostes, dead pan answers, banter, dark humor, dripping irony, sarcasm, satire, wit, and all the ism's that you can think of. Some of the things that were said would be at best classed as bad taste and at worst we would probably be arrested for it today.

There was nothing sacred and religion, sex, creed, nationality, and many isms all got the full treatment. If you were thin skinned you would not last long. You would get situations like a bloke from the kitchen would call a bloke from the restaurant an "over weight pregnant fish" and the person would reply with something like "sex and travel mixed with you vertically challenged person of non parentage" The girls were just as bad and one girl might say to another girl "sex, I, did you see that female dog with that facially and folically challenged female sexually region last night?" I am sure you will get the drift. It was the only way I could explain it without getting done, barred or upsetting anyone reading this. I know it might not sound clever and funny but that's the way it was.

My best mate used to call me " a youthfully challenged flatulence" just for starters and then move on to some very choice expressions that would make a dock road matress artiste blush.

I hope I have given a little insight in to goings on in the catering industry on land and on sea as I also have a few old sea stories for you.

In the mean time

Be good and if you can't be good don't get caught with your pants down like one gentleman we spotted on the hotel lawn of a near by hotel. He thought that we could not see him on the dark lawn but the street lighting cast just enough glow for us to see him practising his press ups on a scantily dressed young lady.

Amazon.co.uk Widgets

Painfull attemp at making Spun Sugar

2008-12-10T07:40:00.011+01:00

Spun sugar is a where you cook sugar and water to a high temperature of 310-320 degrees Fahrenheit, then using a large whisk (with the ends cut off) dip into the cooling caramel mix and then wave the whisk back and forward over grease proof paper and thin strands of sugar form. As they cool you gather them together and traditionally the pastry chef would make a birds nest out of the spun sugar and decorate a French choux pastry desert called a Croquembouche. A Croquembouche is usually made up with profiteroles filled with pastry cream and formed into a tower like the picture below and decorated with strands of spun sugar to hold it all together.

For a selection of books on cooking and recipes for Chritmas and gifts for friends and family why not try the Gite book store below or if you are looking for more blogs on French life see here-
www.french-gite-creuse.co.uk

A shamless plug I know but Christmas is coming and 'When in Rome...'

The daft, funny and outright dangerouse things that go on in a kitchen...
Honest it did happen!

This is a story of a young gullible apprentice chef who made spun sugar but did not set out to do it in the first place.

I was on duty in the main kitchen and as the Head Chef and the Sous Chef were not present at the time I was temporarily in charge. I have a sweet tooth and often visited the pastry section where the pastry chef would allow fellow chefs and I to eat any scrap bits and broken pastry goods. Today was no different and so I headed in to the pastry section for some goodies.

It was the pastry chefs day off and a young female chef was standing in for her. The young girl in question was making caramel for 'Creme Caramels' As explained above to make caramel you have to boil sugar and water to a very high temperature. This she had just done and was in the process of preparing to pour the caramel into the moulds. At the same time as this our gullible apprentice chef was asking her some pretty dumb questions as he was attempting to chat her up in the hope that he would impress and somehow loosen her underwear.

The young apprentice chef was one of many people that came to where I work and they are sent by their catering colleges for 6 months to gain working experience in a kitchen. He was not the 'sharpest tool in the box' but was a very funny and bubbly out going person who was always messing around and doing daft things. Before he came to us he used to work for a very big nuclear plant that was very near to his home town and catering college. He told us he got the sack from his job and decided to try his hand a catering. Oops.

So the scene is set. The gullible chef is trying to impress the pastry chef when he asks her what she is doing? She replay's "I am making caramel" He says "whats that taste like" as he has never tasted or seen it made before. She says "why don't you taste it and find out for yourself". Just as she said that I am entering the pastry and I overheard what she said. What happened next was at the time one of the most funniest things I had ever seen although the most stupid and dangerous thing to do.

The young lad in question then stuck his thumb in his mouth (health and safety would have thrown a wobbler had they seen that) and then dipped his thumb into the caramel mix in the pan. I have now entered the pastry and see the young lad 'grinning like a Cheshire cat' dip his thumb into the caramel mix. It happened in a split second but it was like watching in slow motion and I could not shout out a warning fast enough to stop him. He dipped his thumb into the caramel and the smile on his face change rapidly to a look of horror as the pain that shot through his thumb registered in his brain.

He pulled his thumb out of the mix and in an attempt to try and shake off the caramel that was stuck to his thumb and he was waving his hand madly in the air and at the same time screaming like pig. The pastry chef started laughing at the young lad and his efforts to cool down the sugar. As he tried desperately to stop the pain by waving his hand about the in the air he inadvertently started to produce spun sugar and you could see wafer thin strands forming about his head. This all happened in a slit second and he then stuck his burning thumb with the caramel still on it in his mouth.

Talk about "out of the pan and into the fire'. He now is frantically trying to cool down his thumb by sucking on it and proceeds to burn his mouth and tongue at the same time. This also leads to another fit of screaming and more chuckles of laughter from the young girl who finds it all amusing. After overcoming my initial shock to the events that had just taken place I dashed over to the lad, grabbed him and dragged him to a nearby sink and after wetting a kitchen cloth with cold water I wrapped it around his hand and thumb. I filled a cup with water and made him fill his mouth and hold the water in place in an attempt to cool down his mouth and tongue. I also detailed a comis chef to get a bucket of ice.

Meanwhile a crowd has gathered and many of them also think it is very funny and are laughing at the young lad for his stupidity. As I tended to the young lad I saw his thumb blister and pop and then another blister appear. He was in agony but at the same he was laughing and grinning through clenched teeth. I too was laughing and grinning but at the same time thinking what the heck to do and should I report this to management. With the arrival of ice and the blisters on his thumb not bursting anymore I placed his hand in a bath of iced water and made him hold his hand under water for at least 10 minutes.

When working in kitchens you get use to dealings with burns and due to quick reactions, a bit of luck, loads if ice and the fact that for some reason the lad in question stuck his thumb into his mouth before he put it in the boiling sugar I managed to treat him and with the aid of another chef we sent him to the local hospital. I then gave the young pastry a girl a bollocking of monumental proportions that can't be repeated here but let me tell you it involved loads of cursing and some very rude swear words of a sexual connotation.

I put a report in the accident book and later when the Head Chef came on duty I reported it to him. He just smiled, laughed and to quote Arthur Lowe who plays Captain Mannering in 'Dads Army' he said "Stupid Boy" and wandered off. The young lad came back from the hospital after his hand and thumb was treated and was given the night off. Besides the pain of his burn the lad was very lucky and after awhile the his hand and thumb healed and there was no lasting injury or disfigurement.

The young lad was not easily put off from being a 'happily go lucky if very daft person' attitude and was still laughing and grinning later that night as he told other members of staff about his injury whilst at the same time drinking loads of lager and chewing paracetamol to kill the pain. The next day when he finally arrived for work looking the worse for wear and suffering from a huge hangover he said "I don't know what hurts more - the burn or my head" I knew which one I preferred if had to make a choice.

For more blogs on cooking and general life in France

www.french-gite-creuse.co.uk

Looking for a special cook book for Christmas or as a present for friends and family. Please feel free to choose from a selection of books below.

Amazon.co.uk Widgets

Joe Public rant part 2

2008-12-09T14:07:00.008+01:00

Good old conspiracy theory.

Oil means money - money means wealth and wealth means great power.

Have you ever wandered why the price of oil is so high? Besides our respective governments who push as much VAT/TVA and taxes on the the product they can get away with, you will find that it is the stock markets, oil companies and producers who deliberately inflate the prices to their best advantage.

Your friendly multi national oil company is in business to make big profits. Yes they do have to spend a lot on producing and finding oil but in doing so they make a hansom profit in the process. What they don't tell you or want to tell you is that they make a hell of a lot more money in percentage terms out of speculating in the price of oil than producing it. This is were they really cream of the profits and they don't have to invest millions and millions of $/£/euros/yen to do it. Here is one way they do it.

The big fish

They charter a big bulk oil carrier and fill it up with oil at the respective loading platform. We will use the Persian Gulf for out example. Due to the nature of buying and selling oil and the huge quantities and costs involved it is not the sort of thing that the little business man can do and finance. This is the domain of the the big boys and being one of the big boys in the market allows them certain privileges.

They charter a tanker to carry 1 million barrels of oil from the Gulf to America for example. First of all they do not have to pay all the costs for the charter of the ship up front. They do not physically remove money from their bank accounts and pay it in to the bank account of the owner of the oil before the oil is loaded and shipped. It is all done with letters of credit, bonds and agreements that have been set up before hand. You and I would not be allowed of the petrol station forecourt without paying for your oil or petrol but they are.

We now have a ship fully loaded with 1 million barrels of oil and for ease of counting we are going to set the purchase price of the oil at $10. So our oil company is in hock for $10 million dollars plus all the associated costs involved in a deal like this. You would think that the oil company would want the ship to travel as fast as it can go and deliver the oil so that it can be unloaded and sold so they can get their money back plus profits, sell the oil and pay of their debts. No they do not because they can make even more money by buying and selling the cargo many times over before the ship reaches it's destination.

Only tramps and horses

This is called 'Tramp Steaming' This is where the ship runs at a speed that is the best economical rate for the ship and the owners. Sometimes the speed is just barely enough to make steerage way. The owners keep their costs down and the horse trading begins. This is not something new as this practice has been going on since ships started plying their trade around the worlds oceans and seas. The advent of computers, satellite phones and the discovery of oil has just made it easy to make millions and millions in extra profits in seconds. I do have some knowledge of this practice as I used to be in the Merchant Navy and on several occasions we would be tramping a long and the cargo would be sold over and over again.

Vive la Revolution!

We had a cargo that was loaded in South Africa and was bound for Australia. This was the best news for the crew because Australia was the 'Land of Plenty' and we would be in for a good time if you know what I mean. After about 4 days of trudging along we found that the cargo was sold and we changed course for India. Not quite Australia but India was exciting prospects for a young man of sixteen. A few days later we got orders to change direction again and this time it was for Mozambique. Sadly this was Mozambique after the revolution and the place was a hell hole and not the millionaires playground it was before the revolution. I went there before the revolution and it was a paradise with palm tree lined sandy beaches but that's for another time perhaps!.

Meanwhile our oil carrier is trudging along and the deals start. The general public at large do not realise that many of the big oil companies have dealings rooms that work on the stock markets and they keep it as quiet as they can. The price of oil is then forced up by a mixture of false rumours of shortages, drop off in production when demand is high, wealing and dealing on the stock markets by the oil companies and others in a 'Pass The Parcel' type merry go round where no one wants to be left holding the baby. Every body makes a buck except the final end user who is fleeced at the petrol pumps.

Paying through the nose

Meanwhile the price of the oil goes up because they can buy and sell millions of dollars worth of oil in a split second without having to actually pay for the oil or avoid paying for the oil until the last minute. They then sell it when it goes up. Then they buy it all back again and hope the price rises again and so it can be sold again. This happens all the time and eventually when the ship finally reaches port the price of the oil is $20 a barrel. They then pay of their debts for the charter and rake in the millions of extra profits that has been made. Speculating on the stock market is nothing new but computers have just made it faster and quicker to make easy profits. Why else would they pay people millions in bonuses for dealing on the stock exchanges.

Pirates on land and sea

Don't forget they have just made a profit of $10 a barrel on transporting the crude oil. Now more horse trading goes on in the delivery to the refineries and the eventual delivery to the pumps. By the time the barrel of oil reaches the pump it might be worth $40 a barrel. Then the tax man steps in and the price goes up again. Everybody makes money except the poor end user who has to pay through the nose for a finished product.

As as far as I am concerned the stock markets and the greedy speculators are to blame and now that the credit crunch is hitting hard and stock markets and financial institutions are collapsing it beggars belief that they can go running to the Governments to bail out their 'House of Cards' that they have Built on Sand. Where were they when they were making millions and millions a year and paying them selves insulting bonuses for creating nothing? Nowhere to be seen was the answer but now the doodo has hit the fan they are all over the news begging for bail out by their Governments.

CEO's and executives crocodile tears

Took the fat rewards when creating nothing but false price rises and now begging for help to keep their fantasy world alive while decent folks loose their houses, jobs and pensions.

I know I have over simplified the prices and the work that goes into getting oil to the markets but then i did set the prices at $10 a barrel and we all know that was /is not any where near the price of oil over the last 2 years or more. How many billions of dollars have been made simply but forcing the price of oil up artificially? Answers on an extremely large post card please!

Be lucky.

More blogs about French Life

http://www.french-gite-creuse.co.uk

Joe

2008-12-09T14:07:00.001+01:00

Credit Crunch rant from Joe Public. part 1

2008-12-01T13:00:00.015+01:00

For months now the Joe Public around the world have been battered with the bad news about credit crunches, deflation and inflation worries. Banks & building societies going bust. Huge high street names going belly up over night and stock markets collapsing. Massive job losses, huge rises in oil, petrol and energy. Food prices and the cost of living spiraling out of control.

All conveniently blamed on the sub prime housing market collapse in America, banks refusing to lend to each other. Economies in recession, volatile market trading conditions. Someone breaking wind in the Far East and stock markets reacting in a negative fashion and any other lame excuse that has been trotted out by these so called experts in managing our economies.

We have had a succession of so called world leaders and politicians of the western economies blurting on in the press about "not letting the banking system collapse" and "we have got to pump hundreds of billions dollars/pounds/yen/euros etc of tax payers money into the respective banking system to keep them going, or "the economy is in danger of collapse" and "we will have to bail out the banks and financial institutions".

Where they not the same world leaders and politicians that for years have been running our so called successful economies and telling anybody that would listen that "they were the best person/party for the job" or "our fiscal/monetary policy's were the best think for the country" blah blah blah blah...

Are they now telling the public that they did not know what was going on?
Are they not the same people that passed the rules, regulations and laws that allowed these financial disasters to happen in the first place?
Are they not also the same people that when they retire from public office after bravely serving the general public, conveniently find a lucrative highly paid job as Chairman/CEO/executives of huge multi national businesses and financial institutions that the tax payer now has to bail out?

The answer to all the above questions is YES.

Those same politicians, world leaders and top executives people have know all along what was going on but as long as they have got their noses in the trough why rock the boat.

They have their grossly over paid salaries and insulting expenses accounts that they claim for every last cent they can wring out of the system. Many of them claim more expenses in one year than a hard working man/woman earns in 3 or 4 years. They also have their gold plated indexed linked pensions and non contributory pensions. They have their slush funds, financial pay offs, huge bonuses and free share hand outs running into millions in some cases to fall back on when times are hard. When was the last time you heard in the news that Sir double-barrelled what's his name was struggling to feed his family or pay the electric/gas bill/mortgage?

To add insult to injury many of those people have public immunity from prosecution, and the police and the law to hide behind when things go wrong. They even have the cheek to ask for tax payers money to save their fat cat existences and complain when financial rules and regulations are proposed to help prevent these events from happening again.

What does Joe Public get? He/she gets tax hikes, cuts in services, job losses, financial ruin and house repossession. Huge increases in food and living costs, and if they are lucky to keep their jobs they are forced to take a pay cut or accept 2% pay rise for 3/4 years while the fat cats and politicians always manage to get 20/30/40% increases per year. That's what Joe public gets but those in power are working very hard to not tell you that.

Until next time where I will be giving my honest opinions on why stock markets and oil companies are to blame for the the high oil prices.

TBFN

Gite rental. Is the market shrinking?

2008-12-01T09:13:00.008+01:00

I have a self catering gite that I rent out for holidays, and long term lets for house buyers who are looking to buy in the region of Creuse, Limousin, Central France. I decided to buy a cottage in France to provide a house and future debt free investment for when my son leaves school.

The price of housing even with the "credit crunch and financial melt down" is far beyond many people's budget in Britain and in a effort to buy their first home many people have saddled themselves with huge debts. This is not what I wanted to happen to my son so I sold my house and bought a cottage in France. We had planned to rent it out to holiday makers to help pay the bills and provide a ready made business for our son when he leaves school. The house is in a very rural farming area and jobs for school leavers and young people in France are very scarce.

The problem with setting up gite for renting out for holidays is that many other people have same idea. Finding a job and or working self employed in France can be a bit of a problem and so they rent their houses out to visitors to provide an income.

This intern leads to another problem. Some of the visitors to the area see that it is just what they are looking for and buy a house in the region. They later decide to sell up in their native country (many Dutch, German and Belgians also have the same idea) and move to France with the intention of renting out their house to the holiday makers. Eventually the region will become saturated and many people who rely on the gite for a living will struggle.

So if you have decided to come and live in France then perhaps running a gite is not such a good prospect at the moment. I am lucky because I have no mortgage to pay for and bought my house as a future investment for when my son leaves school. I would not have been able to do the same thing back in Britain because of the high cost of buying and owning a house.

In my opinion the answer to the question 'Is the market shrinking?' is yes and will continue to get worse the longer the credit crunch lasts and the higher the cost of living continues to rise.

Take care and good luck.

Stroganoff revisited

2008-11-28T05:20:00.005+01:00

Stroganoff revisited

Recently I blogged about Beef Stroganoff À La Tété, and the unfortunate waitress who in her infinite wisdom decided to challenge a Sous Chef over the quality of the dish he was sending out and what followed after. Just as I was finishing up the Blog I remembered about an incident that I was involved in with 'Beef Stroganoff' Perhaps not as funny as À La Tété but it had a happy ending for me and one of the hotel barmen.

There was nothing special going on that night, just a normal busy night with over a hundred customers in for dinner. Service was fairly fast and we had served about 70-80 customers and a check came on for a Beef Strogonaff special that was on the Table D´HÔte menu.

I mentioned in the previous blog that all Chefs have their own recipe for Stroganoff and I am no exception. You will find many variations on how to cook the dish and what to serve it with. This was mine at the time.

Fillet of beef cut in to strips
2 or 3 medium sized shallots finely chopped.
4 or 5 button mushrooms finely sliced
A good measure of Brandy (1 third for the pan, 2 thirds for the Chef Keith Floyd style)
Double cream,
Paprika,
Dijon mustard,
Saffron flavoured rice (If you do not have saffron use a little turmeric).
Chopped parsley,
seasoning,
olive oil,

Method:

Roll the strips of beef in paprika and season with a little salt and milled black pepper.

Heat a little olive oil up in a sauté pan till hot, add the strips of beef and quickly brown, remove from pan and put to one side to keep warm.

Deglacé the pan with what brandy you have not drunk before hand. Burn of the brandy and reduce down,

Add the finely chopped shallots and mushrooms and sauté until lightly colored.
Add a teaspoon of Dijon mustard and then add a goodly amount of double cream or whipping cream,

Reduce the sauce down by half and add the strips of beef and finish the sauce of with more paprika and seasoning,

Having done a 'Blue Peter Special' and cooked your saffron rice before hand, fill a small mould with the rice and compact the rice in your mould and turn out on to a plate, serve the strips of beef around the rice and sprinkle with chopped parsley and a final dusting of paprika and serve.

Back to the service and the main course for the stroganoff was called away. I plated up the order, checked the plates for drips and finished them off with the appropriate garnishes and sent them to the restaurant. The service was drawing to a close and the chefs were busy clearing down the kitchen when a waitress appeared at the hot plate with a pint of lager on a silver platter. Then to my surprise she called me over to the hot plate and said it was for me. She told me it was from the customer who ordered the Stroganoff special. The customer said "It was the best he had ever tasted but could you put a little less chili in the dish next time as it was very hot"

I thanked the waitress and asked to pass on my thanks to the customer for the drink. I was chuffed mint balls As I walked back to the sauce section with my pint of lager I started to clean down my section when It dawned on me why the sauce was so hot I had used chili powder instead of paprika. Some one had put chili powder in the container marked 'paprika'.

Later on that night when we were having a few beers to wind down we got talking to one of the bar staff and he recalled a customer coming into the hotel bar after dinner was over. He said the customer had a raging thirst and was shipping down pints to put out the fire and he had given him a healthy tip for keeping him well supplied with refreshments. Having put two teaspoons of chili powder in his Stroganoff I was not surprised.

It reminded me of the silly games we used to play in the kitchen when the Chef was not about and we would see who could swallow the most teaspoons of Tabasco sauce and.....Ooops It is getting late I will have to go and put our animals to bed.

Until next time

Cheers

french-gite-creuse Blog

Beef Stroganoff A'La Tete

2008-11-26T07:06:00.001+01:00

Beef Stroganoff A La Tete is not a dish you will find on any restaurant menu nor is it one I recommend that you order.

The original 'Beef Stoganoff' is a traditional Russian dish that dates back to the 19th century as is reputed to be named after the Stroganov family. The dish consists of strips of Beef sauteed with mustard and finished with sour cream. The dish has changed over the years and almost every Chef has his own interpretation of how it should be made. There are numerous cook books where the recipe can be found and most will have a different interpretation of Beef Stroganoff.

Larousse Gastronomique is a classic encyclopedia of gastronomic recipes and one of the first books I bought along with ' Le Guide Culinaire ' by Georges Auguste Escoffier. Every budding chef was told to get a copy of these books to complement their obligatory copy of 'Cessarani and Kinton's - The Theory of Catering ' and in these you will find a traditional Beef Stroganoff recipe. I bet you will find at least one of these books in every chefs kitchen.

To quote Frankie Howard "And so it came to pass"

Beef Stroganoff A La Tete is a very funny story that happened in the kitchen many years ago and I still can picture the waitresses face after she foolishly dared the Sous chef. For those who are not in the know, a Sous Chef is usually the second in charge in a kitchen brigade and is the right hand man to the Head Chef or Chef de Cuisine. The Sous Chef looks after the day to day running of the Kitchen and also is in full charge in the Head Chefs absence.

It was a Sunday and the Sous Chef was in charge. Sunday is usually quiet after Sunday lunch service is over and many of the kitchen staff headed for some after service R&R. This mainly consisted of a quick change and wash up and head to the nearest alcohol available. If the pubs were shut we would have an impromptu party in one of the staff rooms or several rooms as the frequently happened. We were young and worked hard and after work we played hard. It was not unusual to find many of the hotel staff feeling the the affects of alcohol when they returned to work for the evening session.

This particular occasion was no exception and many of us had had cracking afternoon of relaxing, boozing and foolish horseplay. The time to return to work was approaching and many of us were a little vibrant and set about preparing for service. The Sous Chef was late arriving for work but we just got on with our jobs. Service time was fast approaching and in staggered the Sous Chef. He was well and truly sloshed and the first thing he did after he got changed was to hit the kitchen drinks cupboard for anything he get his hands on.

The service started and the Sous had still not come out of the office but we just carried on as normal. After about half an hour had passed by the Sous came out of the office and had a grin like a Cheshire cat and was a little unsteady on his feet. He took over from the veg chef who was calling the meals away and propped himself up at the hot plate. Meals were ordered and sent and service was plodding along slowly when a waitress who had come to collect an order refused to take a dish to the restaurant.

Instantly a silence fell on the kitchen and service ground to a halt. A waitress or waiter refusing to take a dish to the restaurant was not a usual occurrence and we all come to to the hotplate for a nosy. The dish in question was 'Beef Stroganoff' and the waitress was adamant that she was not taking it to the restaurant because she said " It looked like a dogs dinner" Everybody in the kitchen and most of the waiting staff had gathered round and waited for the Sous chef to explode as he had a fair temper and when drunk he was unpredictable. The Sous chef just gave her a drunken smile and very quietly said "Take that dish to the restaurant now or you will be wearing it on your head"

What happened next was probably one of the funniest things I have seen in kitchen. The waitress put both hands on her hips, tilted her head to one side and with a cocky voice she said "I dare you." To dare a fool is silly, to dare a drunken fool is asking for it and the Sous duly obliged. Quick as flash he pick up the serving dish and tipped the Beef Stroganoff all over her head and selected a fresh bunch of watercress and plonked it on her head for garnish. The place erupted, the chefs burst in to laughter, plates, trays and crockery fell to the floor with a deafening crash and the waitress in question started screaming as she attempted to remove the Stroganoff and at the same time throw the serving dish back at the Sous. The scene would not look out of place in that well known comedy about a crazy hotel set in the English Riviera in the mid 70s.

The screaming was clearly heard in the restaurant and the restaurant manager came rushing in to see what was wrong. He took a look round and saw the aftermath of what had happened and started a big argument with the Sous. The duty manager came down and he took one look and did a runner. The Sous and the restaurant manger were last seen heading down the corridor where the carried on their heated argument. We quickly cleaned up the mess around the hotplate and set about getting the service back on track. Meanwhile the waitress went to clean herself up and normal service slowly resumed at the hotplate.

I can still see the scene clearly in my mind as the Beef Stroganoff and saffron rice dripped of her head and shoulders and sprigs of watercress got lodged in her hair. I laugh myself silly when I recal it. Thats probably why you never see ' Beef Stroganoff A La' Tete ' on the menu and if it was would you order it?

There was another incident involving Beef Stroganoff involving me and .....maybe later!

Until next time.

Au Revoir

french-gite-creuse Blog

Yorkshire pudding making under fire

2008-11-24T15:01:00.004+01:00

The weather is 'persisting it down' here in Creuse, limousin Central France and it's very cold as the short but sharp winter starts to set in. Our three geese are loving it as they just love to waddle in the mud and face into the driving wind and rain. perhaps they would not be so happy if they were to find out what's in store for most of the geese in the area with Christmas looming. £30-£45 for a free range goose for Christmas and we have 3 of them. .....I have not got the heart for it as Spot, Tickle and Campbell are our pets and they make fantastic guard geese. Much better than a dog and far cheaper as grass and weeds are free.

Our free range chickens pictured behind the geese look very funny when they are soaking wet. They are all skin and bone under their feathers and seam to shrink in size the more wetter they become but their freshly laid free range eggs are delicious and fantastic for cooking with. Which leads me nicely on to the topic of 'Yorkshire Puddings' and I don't mean that lot that live t'ther side of Pennines.

I have always liked making Yorkies as I call them and usually got the task of making them for Sunday lunches or functions in the hotel restaurants that I have worked for in the past. That is when I had mastered the art of making them. I remember when I was a young apprentice chef and the head chef allotted the task of making over 140 Yorkies for Sunday lunch to me. In my enthusiasm I grabbed a couple of trays of eggs, heaps of flour and water and put it all in the Hobart industrial mixer and knocked up a huge batch of batter mix. I oiled the Yorkie trays, heated them up in the convector oven, poured the mix into the trays and banged them in the oven slamming the double doors behind me as I set about my other duties.

Time passed by and the Sous chef decided that he would check on my progress. He walked over to the convector oven and looked inside. The look on his face said it all and the arrival of the Head chef followed by a flurry of kitchen french that a Frenchman could not understand as well as being unprintable and I knew I was in big trouble. I heard the word Merde mentioned a few time and looked over to the oven where a small crowd of tut tutting chefs had gathered. More kitchen French followed and as I walked slowly over to the oven and my certain death at the hands of a crazed judo loving Head chef, who thought nothing of practising a devilishly painful judo throw or a back snapping judo press on an unsuspecting commie in the middle of service. To make things worse he was from Yorkshire of all places. I looked in to the oven and saw that my Yorkies were giving pancakes a run for their money.

After a few seconds of questioning my parentage and more utterings of Merde accompanied with facial colours ranging from purple to black and a quick impression of Vesuvius the Head chef burst in to action and issued a shed load of instruction to all around and my Yorkies were consigned to the pigs dinner and I was told to take my mix down to larder and put it into the fridge. I could of sworn I heard someone saying "looks like toad in hole for staff tea tonight" as I trudged crest fallen down to the larder. The chef delegated 'The Big Man' to take over making the puddings and show me how to do it right. I will call the chef who showed me how to make Yorkies 'The Big Man' as he was a walking toilet door with clogs and whites on and from Scotland. Fiercely Scottish and proud of it along with an impish grin and smile that melted the hearts of several of the hotel receptionists and a few others from surrounding hotels but that's another story....

He was an animal who stood over 6 feet tall massive chest and broad shoulders and walked with a slightly bow legged gait. He could could drink like a fish, eat like a hog, swear like a trooper and shift a few waiters over the hot plate if he thought they were deserving it or not. Kitchens were sometimes a violent place to work in and tempers often got frayed and waiters for some reason had the contents of a skillet or serving dish tipped over their heads. They would of course be finished of with a suitable selection of garnishes and sent on their merry way. The Head chef insisted that all food that left the hot plate had to be served with proper garnishes and served on a silver platter but often the waiters didn't hang around to collect it and those that did where to slow at running away.

The first thing he told was the recipe and to follow his instructions to the letter.
as we would both be making identical mixes. The recipe is as follows:-

Half a pint of water,
Half a pint of milk,
10 ounces of plain flour
4 eggs (Free range if possible) We are lucky because we have 17 free range chickens and they provide fresh eggs daily.
salt&pepper.

This will make between 10 and 24 puddings depending on the size of trays used. We always used the extra large trays that only have four moulds per tray and doubled up the mix according to the numbers we required

Method:-

Weigh out the flour, some people say sieve the flour but the 'beastie from Scotland said not to bother with sieving but not in so many words, something to do with sex and travel I recall

measure the milk and water exactly

Preheat your oven on almost it's highest setting

Mix the eggs in a large bowl in a figure of eight pattern (I thought the chef was pulling my leg when he said that but did as I was told for fear of being on the receiving end of his over sized clogs in the seat of my pants

Add salt&pepper to season and whisk in half the quantity of flour and whisk in a figure of eight pattern until a smooth batter is achieved

Oil the Yorkshire pudding trays with enough to cover the bottom of the moulds used and a little extra for luck and place in the oven,

Add the other half of flour until a smooth mix is achieved again. The object being to whisk in air to enable the mix to rise properly. Pour some mix into a measuring jug to help you fill the moulds easily and quickly,

When the oil in the trays in the oven is on the point of smoking take the tray/s out of the oven but make sure you open and close the doors slowly and do not slam the doors. This causes cold air to rush in to the oven and spoil your mix.

Quickly pour in the mix and put tray/s back in the oven whilst opening and closing the doors slowly without slamming. Try to avoid spills round the edges of the moulds as if left they can prevent the batter from rising evenly and you can end up with sloping puddings

After about 8-10 minutes your puddings should have risen as far as they can and you can turn the oven down to a medium setting and let the puddings finish off. Some people say that the puddings should be soft and doughy and some say they should be firm and crispy. It's a matter of taste or preferences. Take them out when soft or leave them a little longer on a lower heat setting to crisp them up.

All this talk of Yorkshire pudding has got my taste buds activated and I am going to make some to go with my roast lamb dinner that I am planning for later. Yorkshire pudding served with roast lamb and not roast beef!! Traditionalists would say that it is a travesty of almost biblical proportions to serve lamb and Yorkies together. I say why not? The price of food and meat these days is stretching the family budgets to breaking point along with the massive hikes in fuel and energy bills by the greedy barstewards that run the companies. Massive pay rises and bonuses to their upper management, free share hand outs and putting hard working people on the dole while they feather their nests with insulting pension rights.....Hanging is to good for them...ooogh eergh I digress forgive me for my rantings

It makes sense to use puddings to compensate for the lack of plenty of meat. My Dad told me that my Grandad used to say to all the 7 children in the family... whoever eats the most pudding gets the most meat. The pudding was served before the main course in his house. He would eat only a little pudding and watch the family fill them selves up with pudding and have no room for meat. Therefore allowing him to have the largest portion. The older members of the family got wise to that but it did not stop them trying to eat as much pudding as they could.

I swear that Umma our black Labrador knows what I am writing about. She loves them and works her self in to a tail wagging frenzy when she smells them cooking in the oven. It could be said that a Labrador is a Labrador and it will eat anything put in front of it and not bother what it is. We put pieces of pudding in her bowl and then put dog biscuits, gravy and any other tit bits and watch with amazement as she use her nose and tongue to move the contents around to get at the pudding underneath. It would also appear that Bloomfield our strawberry blond cat has a penchant for them as she managed to paw one of the cooling tray before I could put them away.

Yorkshire pudding mix is versatile and can be used with sausages for a 'Toad in T' Hole' or any left over mix can be used to make a savoury pancakes or add sugar to make it a sweet pancake. Or do what a Sous chef I worked with used to do and that was put ice-cream in the center of the pudding and top of with maple syrup whipped cream.

So that is how I learned to make Yorkshire puddings. A Lancashire lad taught by a Scotsman to make perfect puddings for a Yorkshire man. Remember that failed mix that I put in to the fridge earlier on and was going to be used for staff tea. Well the Head chef stormed into the walk in fridge a little later on after some one else had failed to meet his exacting standards. He knocked over the bowl and the mix spilled all over his boots and checks. I heard the noise erupting from the larder and I knew I was in for another rollicking as I had left the mix on the floor near the fridge door. Ooops.

I do miss the kitchen life sometimes and remember the fun and games along with the hard work that a young trainee chef had to endure in those days. We worked long and many unpaid hours in the kitchens to learn our trade. Many of the positions in most of the hotels that I have worked in were 'Live In All Found' and we had no bills to pay for and what we earned after tax and national insurance was all our own. The pay back was that we worked 'hours as required' No walking out of the kitchen when your 40 hours where up. You stayed until the job was finished and then you got cleaned up and headed for the nearest pub or night club for a binge of speed drinking and a night of trying to chat up the latest arrival to the hotel and catering fraternity. You would not believe the things that went on...or would you? The politically correct crowd would have a field day.

Another time perhaps!

Good luck with your Yorkshire Puddings

french-gite-creuse Blog

Gite cooking A' la Franglaise

Vegetarian from Hell Pt4

Vegetarian from Hell Pt3

Stocks and sauces

Happy New Year 'Tout Le Monde'

Vegetarian from Hell Pt2

Is this man a Pratt?

Vegetarian from Hell pt1

No snow but very cold at our gite in Creuse.

P.S. Don't forget

Don't forget to leave a carrot for Rudolph a glass of Brandy for Father Christmas.

Twas Christmas Eve in the 'Work House'

Mulled wine with a Twist....hic

In the immortal words of Frankie Howard "And so it came to pass"

Christmas tips pt 6

Christmas tips pt 5

Christmas Tips pt4

Internet Security and Christmas

Try Spywareblaster (free) www.javacoolsoftware.com/index.html

More Christmas tips pt 3

More Christmas Tips pt 2

Carrot serving suggestions.

More Christmas Hints & Tips

Stock Market Fraud

"Banks are lining up to reveal billions in potential losses as a result of alleged fraud by Wall Street investment manager Bernard Madoff."

Christmas Turkey - hints and tips

Sex and alcohol- No need for drugs!

Painfull attemp at making Spun Sugar

The daft, funny and outright dangerouse things that go on in a kitchen...Honest it did happen!

Joe Public rant part 2

Good old conspiracy theory.

Oil means money - money means wealth and wealth means great power.

The big fish

Only tramps and horses

Vive la Revolution!

Paying through the nose

Pirates on land and sea

CEO's and executives crocodile tears

Joe

Credit Crunch rant from Joe Public. part 1

Gite rental. Is the market shrinking?

Stroganoff revisited

Beef Stroganoff A'La Tete

Yorkshire pudding making under fire

Don't forget to leave a carrot for Rudolph
a glass of Brandy for Father Christmas.

In the immortal words of Frankie Howard
"And so it came to pass"

The daft, funny and outright dangerouse things that go on in a kitchen...
Honest it did happen!